“Jack, what’s the matter? You haven’t even touched your crumb cake!” Ennis looked at Jack, concerned. The crumb cake was one of his favorites, and a fitting end to the magnificent meal they just enjoyed. Jack didn’t answer at first. His head hung down just a particle, and he was unusually reserved. The entire fishing trip had been a wash, actually. Ennis looked forward to the time together, and Jack did the same. But this time there was a distance, a holding back on Jack’s part. Ennis didn’t make a big deal of it for the first few days. But Jack being nonchalant about crumb cake? Something was wrong. Ennis eyed his lover as he pushed back from the table and stood. Jack faced Ennis and his eyes held something dark. Ennis felt his blood began to cool. Whatever Jack was about to say, Ennis didn’t think he was ready to hear it.
“I got something to tell you, Friend,” Jack spoke, wringing his hands. “I got to get this off my chest.” Ennis was not the worrying kind, but the near hysterical tone of Jack’s voice gave him pause.
“Look, Jack, we’re here to have some fun. Why you wanna go spoil it by telling me bad news?” Jack shook his head.
“I know, and I’m sorry, Friend, but I gotta get this out.” Jack voice began to quiver, but now Ennis was the one who felt fear.
“Please, Jack? Can’t we just forget whatever it is you need to tell me? I don’t think I’m up to it.” Jack walked over to his lover and sat right down beside him.
“I’m sorry. You deserve to know.” Now Ennis was terrified. Not only that, he had an idea of what was to come.
“Go ahead!” Ennis whispered, his voice trembling. “Tell me.” Jack placed a steady hand on Ennis’ thigh, as though the very touch fortified him.
“I was with someone else, Ennis. I’m sorry.” Ennis felt his throat constrict as Jack’s words hit home. He wasn’t even aware when he fell to the cold Earth, his hands rubbing his temple as though to massage away Jack’s vile admission.
“He didn’t mean anything to me, Friend, and I swear it was just that one time. It will never happen again.” Jack climbed down next to Ennis and placed his head on his lap. Ennis allowed him to rub his cheek. "I..I just had to tell you or else I would be eaten alive with the guilt. Can you ever forgive me?”
“Why?” Ennis croaked. “What made you do it, Jack? Who is this man?” Jack opened his mouth to speak, but Ennis thought better of it. He didn’t want to know the identity of his “rival,” nor could he bear to hear about Jack’s reasons for being with someone else.
“Never mind, Jack,” Ennis whispered. “I don’t want to know his name. I don’t want to ever hear mention of him again. Are we clear on that?” Jack nodded, but didn’t speak.
“Look,” Ennis began, tenderly. “I know what I told you before about acting queer, but I also know you, Jack. You can’t be happy with our arrangement; I know you want and need more from me. You deserve more, Rodeo." Ennis sighed, heavily. "I want to believe that I’m your only one, Jack, but under the circumstances, I gotta know better. I also have to make allowances.” Ennis fought to release the words. He couldn’t believe his own calm. Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“If you have to have him, don’t tell me about it. I can’t stand it, Jack.” Ennis was folding, shutting down. Jack noticed and pulled him close. He rocked him, kissed him, cooed.
“I told you,” Jack began, “There won’t be a next time. I was weak, Cowboy. I was hurting, and when I came to my senses, I was terrified of you finding out. But I had to come clean, Friend.” Jack continued to rock his baby. “I hope we can save what’s left of the trip. I’m so sorry for spoiling everything, but I had to confess.” Ennis shook his head and snuggled in closer to Jack.
“I think we’ll be okay.” Ennis whispered. He was devastated, but resolved then and there to do better by Jack. It was the only way to keep his man.
“C’mon, Rodeo,” Ennis said, recovered. “I hope that guy taught you something new!” Jack shook his head and laughed.
“Ennis Del Mar, just when I think I have you figured out, you say something that throws me completely off.” Ennis smiled and reached out to Jack.