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Sunday's Messages

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Daniel:
Whose Life Is It Anyway?

Any unhappiness or the occasional feeling of being "stuck" in our lives often come from an underlying belief that it is somehow not good or right to want what we want, and especially to want more than we have. We think that we should not have strong desires. Pay attention when you hear yourself say "should". This word implies judgment. When you tell yourself you should buy new clothes, clean your kitchen, go to that party, or ask someone over for dinner, it is as if you are responding to what you think is expected of you by society, your parents, your partner, or some other entity, real or imagined.

The first encounters of Brokeback Mountain reveal Aguirre giving rules of expectation and behavior to Jack and Ennis. But Ennis and Jack had previously arrived with their own rules, their own upbringing, their own past as the basis for what behaviors are "good" and "acceptable" This belief that we shouold do certain things and not others is shaped by our birth, upbringing, and environment. Other people have moulded our sense of what is right and what is wrong. It is from our parents that we learn that we shouldn't walk on the carpet in our muddy shows. It is from observing the customs of society in general that we learn to tip in a restaurant, to say "hello" when introduced.

But much of the American western ideal, part of the process that allows survival in a harsh and rugged landscape, is based in individualism. An important step in the process from a mundane state to a spiritually active state is the decision that you will live your life according to your own standards, not those of other people - although the two will probably coincide to some extent. If you buy something from a store, you are free to try it out and return it (unless you bought it from Target or Wal-Mart) if it does not work for you at home. Similarly, you have the right to test the standards you have acquired from other people, including your parents, since childhood.

The next time you think "I really should do this" or "Oh, I can't do that....", pause and ask yourself "Why should I?" or "Why not?" Sometimes the answers will be clear, but other times less so. It is obvious why you do not walk on a carpet with muddy shoes, because this means someone - and there is a good chance it will be you - has to spend time, energy, and maybe money to clean or even replace the carpet. But what is the reason that you shouldn't talk to your boss as an equal? Why shouldn't you remind him of the good work that you have done recently in your job? Why shouldn't you ask him for a raise? It is very unlikely that your answer to these questions will be "Because he will get angry and shout at me and maybe threaten to fire me." Even if this did happen, remember that you have the right to ask another question: "Why should I work for someone like that?"

The point I am trying to make, people, is that Jack and Ennis, even though they had been raised to believe and think in one way, even though they were told to do something, felt it was important to challenge themselves and their socially-bound existence by thinking about, considering, and trying new things and new experiences that society had already labeled. In their very first moments of encounter, their existence was partially defined by a preconscious awareness of each other. In this later scenes this preconscious awareness included on more than one occasion a type of mutual admiration and sexual attraction that most likely went against everything they had ever been taught to them.

If Jack and Ennis can challenge social standards, their own parents and society's binding laws and mores, then why can't we? If you want something that feels right for you and does not harm or upset anyone else, then go for it. Believe that you are the author of your own future. If there are things in your life that you are not totally happy about, you are free to look for ways to change them. It is OK to want what you want. Now choose to go get it.

Daniel:
I cannot think of a message today... so I will respectfully bow out of the picture and let someone else take the podium if they like.

Artiste:
Most gay men feel like you do... it seems to me Daniel.

I know that I do. Somehow, each one of us must try to reach to another gay man.
That can be done in many wondrous ways. And maybe such could be mentionned here by us all.

I remember my past partner/lover/pal (now deceased) nearly everyday. At first, it was i who repeated my efforts to get to know him, but I know that he did not and, I got from him eventually that I was what he needed! That was a happy surprise!

And now, I am lost again. I am trying to find another buddy. How? Any ways you and others can suggest??

Hugs!!

Daniel:
Looking Back and Moving Forward

I do not think it is a mere coincidence that Jack and Ennis, as part of their second encounter, looked back at their own pasts, as a way of describing where they had come from. Jack described his relationship with his father, to some extent, and allowed Ennis a glimpse into his personal life. Ennis described the events that fundamentally changed his relationships with his family.  But in addition to their parental or familial imprinting, both Ennis and Jack had their own ancestral imprinting - the specific models of the Western ideal, for example, as continual reminders of their requirements.

But what does that mean for us? How can we learn from this look into the past?

These ideas, passed down by words, by example, and by psychic energy are imprinting. Imprinting is when outside influences have printed their ideas onto your mind like a spilled glass of red wine on a white tablecloth. You can wash it over and over and it will fade, although a trace of the wine will always remain, forever part of the cloth. Consider your ancestral imprinting. Does your family descend from factory-workers or farmers, slaves or soldiers, bankers or bakers? Ask yourself which aspects of your character and beliefs might be inherited from your forebears. This exercise is a useful kind of self analysis that gets you starting to think about who you are, where you come from, and what makes you different.

Aside from ancestral imprinting, there are other kinds. Parental imprinting often reinforces ancestral imprinting; but, of course, most of us know more about our parents' lives then we could ever discover about our grandparents'. If you saw your parents fighting all the time, you might absorb the idea that marriage and relationships are hurtful. If your father was over-anxious, or your mother domineering, these things too enter your mindscape as you live.

Gender imprinting - the messages you have received about relations between the sexes - is also very influential. Other factors at work on us include our schooling (maybe even individual teachers), our friends, our work, our accidental encounters with people, ideas, and places. Such things colour our perspective, how we see the world, where we are coming from.

The phrase where we are coming from os am important one. It means precisely what it says: where you have come from, your past up to now. You are not your imprinting. After uncovering the prevalent perspectives that have imprinted themselves on you, for your highest good you can either embrace them or reject them.

For example, while sensing something of the Puritan in your perspective, you might resolve to shun austerity and take a more liberal view of duty, marriage, and pleasure. It is not exactly that the Puritan is inhabiting you, like a lodger you cannot evict. Puritanism is merely a set of attitudes to which you have immediate access. These might frame themselves automatically in response to certain situations. But they are not the attitudes you must live by. If you feell reluctant to obey some imprinted rallying call inside your head, surely that's a good reason to act differently. If you know where that voice is coming from you are less likely to make the mistake of automatically assuming that it will lead you to fulfillment. Find yourself, listen to your true inner voice, and move forward in response to its promptings.

Artiste:
And?

Hugs!

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