I started today listening to my cd of Brokeback Mountain. I realized how that music can take me
back to the very feelings I had in the beginning. The tears and ache in my heart. It is such a palpable
thing. It is like posession. I don't know the why or the wherefore that it has over me. I thought I had
gotten to the point where I wasn't going to be hit like that again...But here I am again in a flood of tears.
I started reading some of the older posts. Some from right after the BBQ. I read Chrissi's post
about how she still had the feeling of euphoria, even three weeks later. My heart smiled. I read how Lee
was having a hard time focusing at home and at work. I understood and my heart smiled.
Later I found a post by Jack Stephens, and he is such a sweet and wonderful guy. My heart smiled.
Then It came to me. The feelings I now have when I listen to the music, is related to the Brokies I have
met. It is now the sadness I feel..Missing the people I have come to know and found so dear. I have
had such an experience this year, as to have rooted itself into my psyche. I can no longer separate the
movie, the music, and the people from each other. It is all one large whole. Made up of bits and pieces of the
puzzle. Every person, every post on Bettermost, every song. Every sad story and every Wonderful new
blessing that people have experienced, is in there....
I just want to say how greatful and blessed I am to have gotten to know all of you and shared this
unique and soul shaking experience with....I love each and every one of you....
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Janice