Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Heath Ledger Remembrance Forum
Visit to 421 Broome Street Today
Aloysius J. Gleek:
421 Broome Street Update: January 25, 2008, 1:00pm
Love + Miss You Always Heath
You Were Truly One of the Greatest! Love, Dana
RIP Heath Ledger
RIP Heath Ledger (Close-up); May You Sleep in the Angel's Arms Tonight
Votives
For Heath, from a fellow 28 year-old Aussie actor
Love You
Ellemeno:
Thank you so much John! Keep snapping, it's a huge gift for us. If you wanted, I would really love to see the places mentioned in an article I read in the last couple of days, the one that says where he ate breakfast often. Can anybody find that article? It named 5 or so neighborhood places.
Our John! MWA!!
smellykellyjay:
John and Meryl, as others have mentioned, we are much obliged to you for representing us in this way. Personally, I am so grateful that you included my name on the card and that you invited me to join you. I hate how cold this may sound, but I had a responsibility at work that day, and there would have been negative consequences had I not gone in. Life goes on, albeit diminished because of Heath’s death. Thank you for all you've done.
I haven't made it to Broome Street yet. I don't really want to deal with the gawkers and the hoopla, appear to be part of that, though I guess I am. I know I'm not the only one feeling the loss, but grief has always been a personal thing for me. I know from experience that early Sunday mornings in that neighborhood is pretty quiet, so I think I'll go by there tomorrow morning, do something when I can have a little more privacy.
Michelle’s house is three blocks from where I live, and I've gone by there every day since Tuesday. It's rather subdued, considering. Twice, I've been by there in the evening after work and have seen a handful of paparazzi, no more than eight at one time, though I suppose one is too many. Twice, I've been by there in the early morning. I like the mornings better.
There are some police barricades on the ready, but few in place, and a collection of tributes, smaller but similar to the ones left at Broome Street. One morning, I saw running SUVs parked in the front and at the side of the house, and the fellas in them kept their eyes on me as I walked by. I presume they were security. I didn't notice them on Friday.
The tributes are mainly flowers, candles, posters, poems, Australian flags, and such. I noticed a poster from the students at the elementary school behind the house. It was so full, I don't there was room to put one more letter on it. I left a condolence card addressed to Michelle, set up a candle that had fallen over, kinda arranged stuff that had been blown over by the wind. I'm anal that way.
I feel a little guilty – considering what John and Meryl did on our behalves -- because the card I left for Michelle was from just me, that I didn't represent Bettermost. Neither did I take any pictures. I just don't feel comfortable treating her like a celebrity at her house. Beyond walking by the house from time to time on my way somewhere, hoping to catch a glimpse, I tried to leave them alone, let them live their lives, treat them as neighbors and not actors in my favorite movie by far. I hope y'all understand.
It's selfish, but I've been bummed since Heath and Michelle split up and Heath moved to Manhattan because that meant I'd be less likely to see him, run into him, maybe meet and talk with him. Something about him made me want to hug him. I don't know if meeting him would have necessarily been a good thing, since I'd have probably lost my cool and did or said something stupid. Or maybe I'd have been disappointed because he wasn't more like Ennis. Still, it's disappointing that that dream of mine won't ever happen.
A couple of years back, I thought my celebrity worship days were long gone. Since I became an adult, I've liked certain celebrities well enough, but I could always take ‘em or leave ‘em. Then BbM came along, and Heath became it. Jake is cool, and I like him a lot, but Heath was just something else.
It wasn't a sexual thing at all. As good looking as he was, he just didn't do it for me in that way. It was appreciation and admiration and affection, like I feel for my family and my really good friends. More precisely, my feelings for him have been like the ones I have for my niece and nephews. I enjoy them so much and think they are the greatest things in the world. Just being with them is nice, and the most mundane things about them are fascinating to me. Maybe that's why I prefer not to be part of the mourning crowds, because it felt like I had a personal relationship with him, however one sided.
I was really looking forward to following his career, his life. It made me happy knowing that he was often only a few blocks away from me, that we went to some of the same places, knew some of the same people, had some of the same community concerns, that there was probably one degree of separation between him and me. It was exciting to know that I had such a cool neighbor. I often thought it was ridiculous the way I felt, but it seemed harmless and felt good, so I let it be. I mean, he made me smile. How can that not be a good thing?
It never seemed like that big of a deal, but losing it and him have been a blow. Whereas the hopes and feelings I've described didn't seem to dominate my time, my heart, or my mind, the loss of them has. Since I got the news on Tuesday afternoon, even if he hasn't been in the forefront of my mind, a sad, gloomy feeling has stayed with me in varying degrees. It feels like something special was taken away from me without my permission, that there was nothing I could do to prevent it from happening, and that I can't do anything to get it back.
But, you know, it's getting better. It's kinda funny how, in composing this long, rambling post, I've begun to feel good. I felt great anger at first, then great sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness. But now I am able to look at pictures of or about him -- even of the ones Meryl and John posted in this thread -- and think about him, and I smile and laugh. Not a “making sport of” laugh but rather a joyful reaction to someone who felt like a friend, to how he affected people, to what he accomplished. I'm able to step past the gloom and think of how happy he made me in the first place and enjoy those good feelings associated with him. Right now, nothing is eclipsing that.
I guess we'll all go in and out of various grief stages, and the sadness at losing him will always be there to some extent. But for right now, I'm gonna sign off and enjoy this pleasant phase for as long as it lasts, enjoying and appreciating the fact that I had him -- in a way -- in the first place.
Meryl:
John, thanks so much for posting more pictures of the tributes. And congrats on figuring out photobucket! :-*
Kelly, what a beautiful post! Your feelings are so like mine. Thank you for sharing them. I'm glad you left a card for Michelle; don't feel bad not mentioning bettermost. I feel like I'm included just because we're buds. :-*
Mikaela:
--- Quote from: Meryl on January 26, 2008, 01:53:31 pm ---John, thanks so much for posting more pictures of the tributes.
Kelly, what a beautiful post! Your feelings are so like mine. Thank you for sharing them. I'm glad you left a card for Michelle.
--- End quote ---
What Meryl said, to both of you. Thank you. Thank you.
The detailed pics of the tributes are lovely, it feels good knowing those messages of love and caring are there. And that there also are similar ones left outside Michelle's place.
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