Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Heath Ledger Remembrance Forum

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mouk:
I think it is a nice idea. And it does not mean a choice between Heath OR Jake, the dead (ouch, I still can't get around this) OR the living. We are talking about Heath AND Jake here. No hierarchy of needs. The needs are  simply different. Not forgetting one for the other. Embracing them both in those tragic circumstances.

We will never forget Heath, and for many of us, grieving will go on for a long time. We are sharing our grief and feeling sympathy for each other's pain. Feeling sympathy for Jake's pain as well seems to me only natural. I can't see any disrespect in sending condoleances to a bereaved friend and colleague of Heath. As long as it is via his agent who will decide whether to pass cards on or not, there does not seem to be an invasion of privacy.  

Berit:
I think it's important to remember that this is not a competition.  In my view it would be a nice gesture to send a card to Jake through his agent but also to Michelle Williams......

I also think that it is important that we handle eachother with respect. It will definatly not help anybody if we hurt eachother with what can be seen like a rude remark. It is important that we take care of eachother....

Phillip Dampier:
I think it's going to be very hard for us to actually know who is suffering more or less than anyone else because in most instances, we don't personally know them intimately enough to ask and listen.  So we can fall into the same trap of speculation that the media is projecting all over this story.

We should respect not only the tragedy of Heath's passing, but the terrible sense of loss felt by everyone left behind, from those who closely knew and depended on him, to those whose lives were changed because of what he accomplished.  All are important, deeply meaningful, and are worthy of our condolences and as much comfort, support, and understanding as each of us can provide to everyone touched by this terrible event.

The unfortunate consequence of feeling powerless over something like this can often bring feelings of anger, frustration, and sorrow. It's a natural part of the process of grief and recovery. It is wise for us to try and consider that in many cases, those feelings can sometimes be expressed in the tone of messages left here, with all of that pain and anguish. Sometimes it's better to just choose the threads here that speak to your feelings and emotions of the moment, and leave the ones that don't quietly behind for another time.

Mikaela:
My heart goes out to Jake.  :'(

Nevertheless, I'm not in favour of sending him messages, how ever well intended, at this time.

Here's my reasoning: He's keeping away from the public light. That in itself should tell us a lot about his emotions, but the fact is that currently all we have to go by,are gossip sites quoting each other with the same stories. It's all hearsay, it may be fake in part or in full - and I can't imagine Jake would want anyone to react towards him based on hearsay and gossip mag tales, when he himself is keeping deliberately silent. Also - why do we immediately believe these mags' tales about Jake when we scoff at much that they say about Heath?

I do not at all doubt that Jake has been hit terribly hard by Heath's untimely death. (I've written more about this over last week's time in the "Jake" thread here). But we don't know his feelings in their entirety. He may be blaming himself for not being there enough for Heath, for instance. He may feel the weight on his shoulder of having to represent the icon of "Jack and Ennis" going forward all alone, feel it's difficult to cope with that just now. He may certainly feel his mourning should not upstage that of Heath's family. He could be feeling many things. And who knows whether a condolence card, however well intended, doesn't just add unintentional salt to the sting of his emotions?

Jake knows he has a big fan base, and that they're thinking of him. I'm sure of this.

I'd respect Jake's silence. When he's again communicating, then would be the time to follow his lead and react accordingly, based on what he's saying. Until then we know Jake is part of a tight and loving family circle. He isn't alone. Let him grieve in peace.

Sandy:

--- Quote from: Mikaela on January 31, 2008, 06:49:50 am ---He may certainly feel his mourning should not upstage that of Heath's family.

--- End quote ---

I agree with this point.  Jack and Ennis shared an intense love, and by all accounts, Jake and Heath shared a close friendship.  With people like that radio presenter (his name escapes me) sampling their words, "..quit you" etc, it may well be that he feels that it is important to stay out of the limelight.  There are many reporters desperate for his statement that he may wish to wait until the furore about the cause of Heath's death has been established.  Then he can make a fitting tribute in memory of Heath, without the ongoing uncertainty.

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