I just had to post a bit from my favorite Chapter 41 - "In the Open," that I referred to above.
...It was something he squeezed down inside him, compressing it like a piece of paper wadded up until it became a tiny square, and then swallowed and forgot it, until it grew back to its original size in the presence of Adam – his catalyst, and came up and choked him until he could not breathe, until Adam revived him with his own breath, his own essence. It only lived in Adam’s presence, he told himself. The rest of the time, he was numb. He worked, he slept, he walked stoically and numbly through each day, thinking of little else but making the time pass until he could live again, in those compressed hours hidden away in that secret place that was his real life.
..........
He took the return at a slower pace, his mood sinking from anxious and sad to depressed, and he fought a suffocating urge to flee in the opposite direction, to ride Nellie down an unknown path to an unknown destination, for the sheer feeling of wild escape – because he knew he had to return and face himself, face Ellery, and face what he could no longer deny about himself. He was in love with a man, and admitting it to himself for the first time.
Witnessing this watershed in Colson's life is so incredibly moving I can't describe it. A truly remarkable chapter, Louise.
Thanks,
Marie
