Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
"Coming Out" as a Brokie.......
serious crayons:
Though there's obviously more damaging homophobia in the world than there is Brokaphobia, ;) I think the average straight person has a better understanding of -- or at least, familiarity with -- gayness than the average non-Brokie does of Brokieism. Even if they don't like gay people, they're at least familiar with their existence and grasp their motivations at some level.
Brokieism, they just don't get at all. It doesn't make sense to people. It's kind of like being a Trekkie or Star Wars fanatic, which people probably don't fully get, either, but again are at least more familiar with.
From my experience (others may disagree), a BBM obsession is particularly confusing to people if you're straight. For gay men, I would think, the connection might seem obvious. For gay women, there are if nothing else political reasons for loving BBM. But for straight people -- what's up with that? Sure it's a good movie, but there are lots of good movies. What's the big deal about this particular one?? That's what I imagine non-Brokies thinking.
I think it makes some people even secretly question your sexual orientation. And while in principle I have no big objection to that, it can be awkward wondering if people misunderstand you in that way -- especially if it's your husband and kids! :laugh:
optom3:
--- Quote from: atz75 on March 16, 2008, 06:49:40 pm ---Heya,
Yep, I agree, one of the hardest parts about imagining "coming out as a Brokie" to non-Brokies in "real life" is that it would be really hard to explain. It would be hard to convey how important and even profound the experience is for me. I wouldn't want it to come across that this experience is simply about being something as un-complex as "being a fan." Mostly, the idea of trying to explain it sounds sort of exhausting.
There's an old saying that goes something like... "if you have to ask you'll never know"... and to a certain extent I think this applies a bit to the experience of being a Brokie. Those of us who are Brokies really, really know it, and understand. And people seek out these forums and Brokie communities. Again, it would just be hard to convey all that this means to someone who's on the "outside" of the whole experience (and especially to someone who didn't like the movie or was only lukewarm in reaction to it).
--- End quote ---
Oh that sums it up beautifully.I feel tired just thinking of trying to explain it.Also if I have to explain it then they wont get it anyway otherwise they too would be a brokie.As a sraight woman it seems een more incomprehensible to some folk.I have been called kinky,weird you name it.So now I jus keep shut up.I got do fed up with trying to explain it is a gut wrenching love story of life changing impact,to be greeted with blank looks .
I now figure it's their loss .I am enriched and they have missed something so rewarding.Closed mind syndrome is my name for it.
Katie77:
--- Quote from: ineedcrayons on March 16, 2008, 07:34:54 pm ---From my experience (others may disagree), a BBM obsession is particularly confusing to people if you're straight. For gay men, I would think, the connection might seem obvious. For gay women, there are if nothing else political reasons for loving BBM. But for straight people -- what's up with that? Sure it's a good movie, but there are lots of good movies. What's the big deal about this particular one?? That's what I imagine non-Brokies thinking.
I think it makes some people even secretly question your sexual orientation. And while in principle I have no big objection to that, it can be awkward wondering if people misunderstand you in that way -- especially if it's your husband and kids! :laugh:
--- End quote ---
I agree completely......
Yes......I remember......I remember someone saying to me one time..."Why would YOU like a gay movie?"....they probably were not thinking I was gay, but more so, could not understand why a straight woman would like it......maybe they did think I might be gay....hunh.....oh well, who gives a flying f***)
I do think though, if I were a straight man, going around raving about what a great movie it was, it would most probably be taken that I had gay tendancies, and for that reason, I think that there are a lot of straight men out there, who did enjoy the movie, but keep it to themselves, and some who might never have even dared go to a public theatre to watch it, for those same reasons. And.....I think, not that those straight men are necessarily homophobic but they just do not want to be quizzed about their sexuality, just because they like a particular movie.
Similarly, the responses I received, when I would mention the movie.....from straight women, it was, more or less a response about the movie in general, the actors, or the story, or if it was slow, or if the scenery was nice.
From straight men, the response, was nearly always about the gay theme, nothing else, just the gay theme. As if it was a taboo subject to talk about let alone put up there on the big screen. Some were quietly objectionable but a few were openly hostile. I actually got a surprise, to find that a couple of my friends who I had known for many years were downright blatantly homophobic.
I think, sometimes, I mentioned BBM and my admiration for the story, to not only say what a great movie it was, but to also make a statement that I am NOT homophobic, to be able to talk openly that the love story in the movie, was as normal as any other love story, that the story is not fictional, it is happening everywhere and as long as there are people who think of it as wrong, or abnormal, then there will be tragedies, and unhappiness. All it needs is understanding and acceptance......even if the person I was talking to, did not agree directly to me, at least it gave them something to go away and think about.
I think most of us Brokies think of BBM as a love story, beautifully written, and acted out by some brilliant actors...the gay theme is part of it, not ALL of it....
I guess we should not expect outsiders to understand us completely......gee, WE didn't understand ourselves at first, thought we were crazy, wondered what was going on....we have had the people here at Bettermost to help us understand......I guess its not understanding I was looking for, it was more a bit of respect for my beliefs, and some acknowledgement that the movie, did have a real story to tell and that it was told with dignity and passion.
Brown Eyes:
--- Quote from: ineedcrayons on March 16, 2008, 07:34:54 pm ---
From my experience (others may disagree), a BBM obsession is particularly confusing to people if you're straight. For gay men, I would think, the connection might seem obvious. For gay women, there are if nothing else political reasons for loving BBM. But for straight people -- what's up with that? Sure it's a good movie, but there are lots of good movies. What's the big deal about this particular one?? That's what I imagine non-Brokies thinking.
--- End quote ---
I agree with this aspect of explaining Brokie-ness as being slightly confusing or difficult. For me, it's not so much political affinity... it's more that I love a good gay love story, whether it's between men or women. So, on the most basic level, I suppose that was my initial interest in or attraction to seeing BBM. Of course, from there my identity as a Brokie has become hugely more complex.
Sometimes I have a "throw caution to the wind" type urge to just send a link to BetterMost to my best friend (who is a gay man) and just see what his reaction would be to my involvement with this website and the Brokie community. But, even with him I think he wouldn't understand... and I always stop myself from "revealing my secret identity" even to him. Although, he knows I love BBM and he did too (but his appreciation for it never, ever rose to the level of Brokie-ness or Brokie fever).
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: Katie77 on March 16, 2008, 11:42:38 pm ---I do think though, if I were a straight man, going around raving about what a great movie it was, it would most probably be taken that I had gay tendancies, and for that reason, I think that there are a lot of straight men out there, who did enjoy the movie, but keep it to themselves, and some who might never have even dared go to a public theatre to watch it, for those same reasons.
--- End quote ---
I've known only two or three genuine Brokies who were straight men. And I'll have to say that even I have secretly at times wondered whether they were "really" straight. Which is such an odd thing to confess, for a Brokie. Because on the one hand I can't see why anyone, straight or gay, male or female, could not be as in love with the movie as I am. But I've met so few straight male Brokies that, statistically, when I think about the few people out of hundreds, I can't help sometimes wondering. Sorry, straight male Brokies, you have every reason to love BBM too, and all the more credit to you for it! :)
--- Quote from: atz75 on March 16, 2008, 11:43:33 pm ---I agree with this aspect of explaining Brokie-ness as being slightly confusing or difficult. For me, it's not so much political affinity... it's more that I love a good gay love story, whether it's between men or women. So, on the most basic level, I suppose that was my initial interest in or attraction to seeing BBM. Of course, from there my identity as a Brokie has become hugely more complex.
--- End quote ---
When I say political, I mean that not only in the strictest sense but also just the sense of the empowerment and recognition from seeing such a great movie about gay people in love. I would think that, if I were gay, that aspect would take on much more weight, if only because I'd be so sick of seeing almost nothing but straight love stories in movie after movie over the years.
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