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Why We Don't Go to Movie Theaters...

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Phillip Dampier:
I was responding to another post on here and a side thread/thought developed that I figure I'd develop as a standalone thread.

Why movie theaters suck.

John and I used to go to movies weekly around here.  When I first met him in 1987, we paid $5 each for tickets to a mainstream movie, and $1 to see the "second run" movies.  You paid your money, and people sat and watched the movie, and only perhaps 5% of the time did you encounter a chat show, tossed candy, or other disturbances.

Today, attending a lot of movies is like serving a prison sentence because the only thing you can think of is how much longer you have to endure the crap.

Tickets are now threatening to break the $10 mark per person, and if you want popcorn and soda, you'll need a second mortgage.  A small popcorn literally runs $6.50 now here - $3.75 for a small soda.  Their "value meal" deal will set you back $12.75 for something that cost them $.75 including the packaging.  Exxon/Mobil is probably the only company that can match this greed grab.

So you head into the theater, find your seat, and then the nonsense begins:

1) Chatty Cathies: This is the group that paid nearly $10 each to sit in a darkened version of Starbucks with a show.  You get to sit and TALK for the entire movie with your friends, usually about nothing important.  At least one of these groups will have the insufferable "know-it-all" who will explain and preview plot points for their friends and you, if only because you are in earshot.  Yeah, like I paid to hear Chad's opinion!

2) Can You Hear Me Now?:  I can sit in a theater with six people in it, and one of them will be on their mobile phone for most of the movie.  On one occasion, I got to hear my first movie theater three way conference call - "Hold on, Jamal is on the other line, let me hook us all up!"  Oh, yes, please do!!!  Because people always shout into their mobile phones, the whole theater got to be in on the party line!  Just lovely.  Of course, the walkie-talkie feature now on offer from companies like Nextel take annoyance to a whole new level - an ear splitting high volume "hey are you around?" leads to an actual conversation in the theater that lets you hear BOTH sides of the conversation you didn't want to hear at all.

3) Let me impress my friends/date: Why you are the most precious and funny guy when you elbow your buddies next to you to invite them to watch you toss small candies at other theatergoers.  Yeah, that really IS funny when you flashed your laser pointer on the screen for 15 minutes.  Sure, everyone wants to laugh at YOUR jokes.

4) The Munchies: You got into your seat 15 minutes early and only after the movie has started to you realize you need to make not one, but three runs to the concession stand, bathroom, whatever, forcing everyone in your aisle to make room for your shuttle service back and forth. 

5) The Bag Ripper and Muncher: If you eat your popcorn, do it with your mouth open and only during the quietest parts of the film!  Mister Ed with a feedbag makes less noise.  And please spend 10 minutes opening your bag of candy (crackle... shake... rriiippp... oh damn, as the candy rolls down the aisle after you tore the bag the wrong way).

And special awards go to:

- The guy who lit up a cigarette in the middle of the movie theater.
- To the couple that decided sex in the theater was something we'd all enjoy seeing.
- To the management who will respond to paying customers only if they set themselves on fire, and then only to put the fire out.
- To the overcaffeinated workout guys on Zantrax 3 who through grunting and hollering would amuse everyone.
- To the charming lady who slashed another woman 47 times on the face and upper body with a razor after asking her to hang up her phone.
- To the new mom who brought Precious to a hard R rated film who, surprise, started crying, and mom valiantly toughed it out, ensuring we all got to hear Precious' protestations.
- To the penny pinching corporate owners who replaced live people in the projector room with computers, guaranteeing you'll need to send out a search party to find an employee to fix the film that broke ten minutes earlier.

serious crayons:
I certainly have experienced the second-mortgage-to-pay-for-concessions situation. Especially as the mother of two children who are, let's say, accustomed to a certain degree of privilege at the concessions counter, so that even a matinee for the three of us -- including films I am not exactly dying to see myself -- can cost upward of $35. I have stooped to smuggling beverages into the theater.

Despite all, I'm still a dedicated theater-goer, for the following reasons:

-- Can get better popcorn than I could make at home (though I try not to eat it with my mouth open during quiet parts of the film!).
-- Can get in on big "cultural events" type movies while they're still water-cooler conversation.
-- Am far, far, far less likely to fall asleep.
-- Like the special occasion feeling to it, rather than a casual "wanna rent a movie" thing.
-- Can see it on a big beautiful screen, in (relative) quiet, in the pitch dark, rather than on the tiny screen in my living room with all the possible distractions and interruptions that might entail (which is why I saw BBM one more time in the theater even AFTER it had been released on DVD).

YaadPyar:
I believe I can add no more, Phillip, except to mention to poor quality of most of the films that require one to endure all that...

slayers_creek_oth:
I HATE movie theaters!  With a passion!

MaineWriter:

--- Quote from: cHrIs_sLaYeRs on June 04, 2006, 11:26:46 am ---I HATE movie theaters!  With a passion!

--- End quote ---

Um, Chris, don't you manage one? I would like to think that your theaters don't have the problems that Phillip is addressing because you are such a good manager...altho I imagine you have the extortion price concessions because that has become the norm everywhere.

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