Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
Why are we like this?
Penthesilea:
--- Quote from: latjoreme on June 16, 2006, 03:28:07 pm ---
I agree totally, F-R, but in practice it's not universal -- lots of people enjoyed the movie or story or
both, but weren't overwhelmed with emotions. (To be honest, I was one of those people in regard to
the story -- I liked it a lot as literature, but then blithely moved on with my normal life -- until I saw
the movie. I know that plenty of others, yourself included, who were originally moved by the story.)
So I guess the question is both, what makes this movie and/or story different from all others, and
also, what makes US different from all others who were exposed to them, liked them just fine, but
weren't consumed by them?
To put it in personal terms, what is it that is causing me, five months (five months!) after first seeing
the movie to still wake up thinking about it every single morning? When I detach myself long enough
to consider that, I find it just plain weird. I loved "Memento," for instance, but didn't think about it
longer than a few days -- and then only in the most casual, occasional way. I realize Brokeback is a
different kind of movie, with more of an emotional impact, but still ... ?!? I don't tend to think in
these terms, but it's almost like a mystical thing.
--- End quote ---
I loved "Memento", too. Before BBM. it was my favourite movie. But on a totally different level
and kind. Maybe this is the solution ?
Seriously now:
The question you (and others) have raised is important to me, too. I have asked it myself many,
many times and still don't know the answer.
And I have discussed it with the only fellow-Brokie I know in person. Only thing that we were able to say about it, is that something like this (or even near like this) has never occurred to us before BBM. Neither with a book nor a movie. If somebody had told me this three months ago, I would have denied it that something like this is the slightest possibility for me. If other persons told me they had such feelings about a movie/story, I would have said: get a life.
On the risk of sounding pathetic, the only comparison I can make in attempt to descibe the way BBM
has occupied my mind, is: it's like being fallen in love. I remember the feeling when you think of a person literally the whole day. Every waking hour this person is on your mind. Sometimes in the background, like under the surface of your mind. But always present and most of the time pretty much conscious.
But this is a story, not a person. And not even a true story, just fiction.
On the first sight, it has nothing to do with my personal life. I'm born in the late sixties in Europe and grew up and live in totally different circumstances (no cowboys far and wide ;) ), I'm not gay, I'm happily married, have three wonderful kids and am pretty much happy and satisfied with my life. Though some minor things are bugging me in regard to my job-related future.
After some sleepless hours at night (sleepless hours because of a movie - unthinkable before BBM) I found out that BBM in fact has to do some things with my life in the past. For this it's an universal story, as so often said. Everybody can relate to one or another topic in BBM.
Okay - I have to get it out somehow. I never posted this anywhere, I began sometimes to write it down, but everytime I deleted it, because it's so personal. And I don't know whether I will be deleting it again or posting it this time.
Rather no big deal -but why the hell am I so hesistant of posting it then?
For me personally, it hit me during a waking night hour. After meeting a very special part of my family on a birthday party and reading a certain expression on IMDB later the same evening. That expression as "living in a shell" and it meant Ennis and Jack during the times between their trips.
I grew up in two homes, in two different places, I had two pairs of parents. One were my biological mother and father, the other pair of parents were my aunt and uncle. I called them "mom" and "dad", too.
I felt at home only in one of these places, only with one of my pairs of parents. Unfortunately this was not with my biological parents, but with my parents and sisters who were "officially" my aunt, uncle and cousins. But I had to live with my biological parents for most of the time.
Living in a shell. This is exactly how I felt during my childhood and teenage years. That was not me, that child who lived with my biological parents. It was not my true self. I just survived. I only felt really alive and happy when I was with my other parents and sisters.
And then there was a year during which I was not allowd to go home at all. My biological parents tried to cut off the contact between me and my family completely. For a whole year, I was not allowed to see them, not allowed to go home. Neither of my pairs of parents had a phone, so I could not call. All we could do was to write each other for one year.
This year was hell for me
All these things happened so long ago. More than 20 years ago. And I thought, I had come over it. The story had (and still has) a happy end for me. I grew up, I can call and meet my family whenever I want to.
And I met my husband and have a family of my own today.
Brokeback has stirred all these things up in me again.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Now I have been sitting in front of my computer for half an hour, considering whether to post this or not.
I'm afraid it has gotten somehow off topic.
It doesn't explain the phenomenon of BBM. And it explains only a part of why BBM is important to me.
I know in which way I can relate to the lives of Ennis and Jack. But I knew all these things about my life before BBM, I never forgot it. It's nothing new or groundbreaking.
I still can not understand why I am so captured by it.
Front-Ranger:
Yes, I agree with U, it's exactly like being in love, that first wonderful rush of infatuation. But this is six months later!! Thank you for sharing your moving story Pent.
serious crayons:
Shit, that's hard. Seriously, Penth -- I don't mean that in a glib or joking way. It sounds like a really hard experience to go through. Thanks for finding the courage to share it here. And please don't ever worry about going OT on this particular topic -- it's such a difficult question that going OT may be the only way we can hope to get at the answers.
What is so mysterious about this is that all of us have different reasons for being here, all the differences in background and so on that I talked about in the OP. But when we start to describe our reactions we sound eerily alike.
When I read your description of your reaction, for example, I can relate exactly. It is like falling in love. But I would never, ever say that to anyone in the outside world. They would think I was nuts. And I would have to agree. In love with a movie? That just doesn't make any sense. Before January 2006, I wouldn't ever have imagined myself it possible, for me anyway.
Glad to know another Memento-lover! And you're right, it has a different kind of appeal. After I saw it the first time, I did spend a day or two looking it up on the internet, reading reviews and analyses. I read the original short story on which it was based (it was written by the director's brother, published in Esquire, and is very different from the movie). Anyway, the point is, five days later -- let alone five months later! -- I had moved on.
(Though a rental DVD of Memento happens to be sitting atop my TV as we speak! I'm going to watch it again -- my third time -- this weekend.)
David:
Why are we like this..? and six months later still?
For me, this is the acceptance stage of the process. BBM was a tramatic, painful experience. Were talking basket case sobbing here. Once I faced my own skeletons in my closet, things got worse before they got better. But along the way I found most of you over at IMDB. And as the expression goes, there is company in misery.
In absorbing all things BBM, I have learned to turn my pain into love. Love for Jack and Ennis. Maybe thats why I like Leslies "A Love born From Steel". It is just more of our boys being happy, just the way they were up on BBM. Just the way we all wish we could be. :-\
Penthesilea:
--- Quote from: latjoreme on June 16, 2006, 06:58:17 pm ---But when we start to describe our reactions we sound eerily alike.
--- End quote ---
Yes, I've noticed this some times before. When I read other's reactions to it, I often think: that's like me. It is eerie or at least strange.
--- Quote ---It is like falling in love. But I would never, ever say that to anyone in the outside world.
--- End quote ---
Neither would I. Nobody in real life knows how much it has affected me, how obsessed I am. My husband has an idea of it, because he knows how often I've seen it in theatre. But even he does not know the dimesion.
--- Quote ---Glad to know another Memento-lover! And you're right, it has a different kind of appeal. After I saw it the first time, I did spend a day or two looking it up on the internet, reading reviews and analyses. I read the original short story on which it was based (it was written by the director's brother, published in Esquire, and is very different from the movie). Anyway, the point is, five days later -- let alone five months later! -- I had moved on.
(Though a rental DVD of Memento happens to be sitting atop my TV as we speak! I'm going to watch it again -- my third time -- this weekend.)
--- End quote ---
Yes, same with me. Memento was more intellectual challenging. I just did not understand everything at my first viewing and had to look it up online. Then I watched it again with the knowledge I read on the internet and (nearly) everything was clear. Then I was done with it. I still enjoy watching it from time to time, I still like the movie - but when the movie is over, I don't think about it anymore.
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