~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[alec716]

MONROE

((Is completely stunned as a sub-zero suddenly tornado hits, sucking the temperature down to an impossible all-time low, piling up SNOW in record time, passing within inches of the stupefied  MONROE. Once the air clears, he realizes that CHER wasn't quite that lucky:    ))

(( Having thawed out sufficiently to resume her never-ending attempts to satisfy the depths of the hunger of her global audience, and grateful that she is once again able to lower her microphone to her lips, CHER thinks about opportunities seemingly lost.  ))

CHER:

&&  Too bad MONROE iced me out.  Maybe I'll try a more subtle approach with him next time.  And there will be a next time!    && 

YOUNG JACK:

And where the heck is our singer?%%

(( Having heard the rustling in the crowd about the SINGER's absence, and recognizing a possible opportunity to satisfy the needs of millions of devotees worldwide, or at least a few rodeo folks and one narcoleptic bull out in the middle of nowhere, CHER hustles her bustle backstage.



and meets her new back-up band

  ))

[Mikaela]

And there will be a next time! 

MONROE:

(( Stops his raspberry jam jar decorating for a moment as an inexplicable chill passes through him, leaving him goosed and jittery ))

** Huh! All of a sudden I've got the urge for some hotter'n hot Cher.... (Urrgh! Ominous slip of the tongue there!) I mean Chai, of course! I need Chai! I've a chill right down to my bones, it's spooky! **

[henrypie]

a-pling...a-pling...a-pling-a...

No one's gonna love you like me.
No one else.
Can't you see?

[I'm singing this song to Jack.
Watch his eyes when he turns his back.]

I know sometimes you felt so lonely,
I know you felt so sad and blue,
But this time you know I'm the only
Love for you that's coming through
With everything I say and do....

[alec716]

MONROE:

** Huh! All of a sudden I've got the urge for some hotter'n hot Cher.... (Urrgh! Ominous slip of the tongue there!) I mean Chai, of course! I need Chai! I've a chill right down to my bones, it's spooky! **

(( Still backstage, waiting to see if she is needed for this scene, CHER has been meditating while seated delicately, alluringly, sensibly, and classily upon the Genuine Vegan Faux Leopard Skin mat which was given to her lovingly and humbly by the FSD,



but she simply cannot stop thinking about MONROE and where she would like his tongue to slip.    ))

CHER:

&&  Hmmm, I would just love to have Tea With Mussolini chai with MONROE!  &&

((  CHER sets about making chai from the FSD's special recipe, finds her best china mugs in the Sacred Relics Room, visits the B.A.M. crew room vending machine to secure further gastronomic bait for MONROE, and rushes back to the dressing room which, thankfully, BOB THE JANITOR has cleaned after WHITNEY HOUSTON's sudden arrest departure.  CHER is glad not to have to share that, um, joint with WHITNEY HOUSTON any longer.  ))


CHER:

Hey, MONROE, want a cup a chai, don't cha?
 



Piece a my CHER-ry cake?

[saucycobblers]

((Sailing into Ennis Ellis Island, JBB stands at the owlpoop deck of the ship/boat/dinghy Queen Lizzie 2andahalf and thinks of all that happened to him since he set sail for Pays-de-la-Lotion near Calais, leaving his beloved TERRY CLOTH behind...

It had been the hardest decision of his short and troubled life, as he'd wanted so badly to spend the remaining time until his sell-by-date with TERRY, until he was called to that great recycling plant in the sky, or TERRY's weft was whisked to the Pentecost Co laundry relic room for retired RAGamuffins - which ever came soonest.

Meeting his mother, the burlesque boudoir balm Fifi Boudreaux, after 4 effen years had been an uneasy experience marked by slippery embraces and lanolin-free kisses, and JBB discovered that lotion is indeed thicker than water. It had been good to see the Boudreaux clan once more...



...they even enjoyed several picnics together in the places of their youth...



...though the joy was tempered when poor Uncle Pierre spurted his last. He was cream-ated, like he wanted.

Now JBB smiles as he remembers his adventures in Europe, and wishes he had Photoshop so that he could show you all the exciting places he visited  .

He remembers less fondly the unfortunate incident which led to his unscheduled departure - coming home from a trip to B-arse-celona to find the Boudreaux boys gettin' rather closer aquainted than was proper for cousins...



So JBB found himself returning home to BAM, but would his darling TERRY be there with open loops?))

[Mikaela]

= Never has it been said before that MONROE is psychic, but........there truly seem to be BAM higher forces and a secret symbolic purpose at work here! Is this symbolism intentional? Is it accidental? Is it subconscious? Who can tell? BAM followers will debate this for years to come!

At any rate......... =


MONROE:

((Sits down in the office with a blazingly hot cup of the finest Chai, looking into supplier promotional material and ditto order lists, deciding on new products that will become available for sale in the Super Market: ))

** Hmmm...mmmm. We need something for the Cher-rylicious customer segment. And would you look at these cherries? Very satisfying. Mmmmmm. Yes. Should be a winner. **

((Goes on to order a choice selection of French cheeses, Italian Wines, Norwegian salmon and Swedish meat balls))

** Sigh. I suppose only those big meaty balls will find much favour with the average customer here. But I'll keep trying! **


((Then on to another type of product altogether.))

** The altogether, sure enough......... Can't forget this needy segment either........ Yes, I'll order these on trial basis.....**

[Ray]

%%I HAVE to visit this Munroe guy's shop.  I so need a new cherry with butt cream on top! I'm having the strangest cravings these past few weeks.%%

[Lumière]

((  Cheers JBB, Monroe and Ray .. ))


**
 I been missing in action here lately. 
But as y'all know, Alma don't talk too much .. and
Guy and Lucise ain't done, so don't put away the butt cream just yet ..hehe .. 

**

[Mikaela]

MONROE:

%% Cherries with cream? Oh, deluxe! Cream with cherry delight......%%

** Aaaah.  I think I've deserved this tasty little treat by now. The shop's in perfect order. All the orders are perfect. Those apricot turnovers to complement the cherry cakes will really do tricks!  **

(( Sighs voluptuously as the first sweet taste bursts onto his tongue. ))

%% I'll call this one Alma Supreme. %%

%% Only thing could make life even better would be if Bright Angel Alma started talking to me a little bit. She adds ambrosia and nectar to my simple grocer's life, but she nearly never speaks............ 'Course, she's married and she's got little kids too. I should stop thinking of her, but she's as essential to me as breathing - or cooking! %%

((Sighs))

 

[saucycobblers]

Back at EnnisEllis Island...

((JBB looked at the fast approaching and rather imposing Statube of Lidberty and thought of the irony of his situation... lidberty... what had that felt like???))

%% I sure had some fun on this ship/boat/dinghy, despite missin' my TERRY sumthin' awful. Sure was lucky that the 23rd Annual Towelling Reunion of Descendants of the Heroes of the First World Weft War were on board, makin' their way to the poppy fields of the Somme to pay their respects %%

((JBB pauses to pay his respects to the brave hessian heroes whose memory was honoured during that rather unwieldily monikered gathering. Leafing through his precious holiday snaps, trying to hold them by the edges so as not to make them all sticky, he sees...))


%% Rupert. Ah, salt of the earth old Rupert. Same colour too. Wonder if I'll ever see TERRY and be able to pass on Rupe's sudsy tips for that whiter-than-white summer freshness? Lord know there were times he coulda done with a warsh and good old 1200 rpm spin %%

%% I met some good folks on this here ship/boat/dinghy. Take these three for example...


...Hughie, Louie and Dave. And their cousins...


Ross, Joey and Chandler. Chandler's the one on the left. Cute aren't they? It was like being left overnight at the Lancome counter at Harrods. Sigh...

...Oh, and please let me introduce you to Eric. Not blessed in the looks department, but pretty handy with a tumble-drying anti-static sheet, I can tell you... . Here he is, sunbathing...


Here's some scary kid that kept appearing like the spawn of Suede-tan (sorry)

Like something from Village of the Damned... **Shivers**

LSP's loopy wefted cousin was there too...


%%TAAAAAAAAAAAARQUEEEEEEEEEEELLE!!!!!

((JBB's reverie is interrupted by the appearance of...))


((JBB shivers violently and breaks out into a cold lotion sweat))

%% Bettermostians... let me introduce you to my......WIFE!!!!!

((JBB looks up at the now towering-overhead Statube of Lidberty and quietly begins to sob...))