~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[louisev]

ENNIS: 

((Gives RANDOM HEIFERS a poisonous look before stalking off to go back to LONELY OLD RANCH HOUSE.))

I can't HEAR YOU!  LA LA LA LA!!!


((Scratches his balls again.))

%% Better go down the store an pick up some Obtundia, I think I got jock itch again.%%

[Daniel]

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER:

**Say, do you ever miss those billboard climbin' days?**

RANDOM HEIFER:

**Miss 'em? You insane? You know I'm skeerd of heights. And those ladders ain't really meant for cows.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER:

** Still, gives me an idea... We gotta get hay man onto bein happier, or he'll sit there scratchin' his balls all day and we won't never get our fair share of the sweet stuff.**

((The random heifers put their heads together and after much whispering... separate.))

RANDOM HEIFER:

** I won't like doin' it, but alright. I kin see yer point.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER:

** Okay, I get to be on top this time.**

RANDOM HEIFER:

**Sigh!**

[louisev]

ENNIS: 

((Driving away from LONELY OLD RANCH feed lot, wiggling uncomfortably with a blooming case of Jock Itch (TM.) slams on the breaks when he spots: ))

"FIND JACK QUICK"


%%DAMN!  Find Jack Quick.  Yeah... how the hell am I gonna do that?%%


((Scratches his balls again.))
%%Just better forget about em. Better for all concerned. I got my girls ta think about now.  THE GIRLS! I better go pick em up from Alma's sister before she makes em redecorate the house with crayons!!!%%

((Roars off at high speed, leaving a cloud of dust.))

[Daniel]

RANDOM HEIFER: ((perched precariously on the ledge of the billboard sign))

** Damn, he's goin' the wrong way. You reckon he needs directions? **

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER:

**Hold still, I'm jumpin down.**

RANDOM HEIFER:

**I still think we need to find the happy cheese.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER:

**You're gettin that wrong. Its "Great cheese comes from happy cows.".**

RANDOM HEIFER:

**Oh posh! Well, send a moocow telegram, find this Jack fellow?**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: ((Jumps off the other cows back))

**Wheeee!**

RANDOM HEIFER: ((shakes head and sighs))

[Daniel]

MOSCOW TELEGRAM SERVICE:



**Ya? Did someone orter Moscow Telegram?**

[Daniel]

RANDOM HEIFER: ((out of breath from trying to climb down the billboard ladder.))

** Not a Moscow Telegram! A Moocow telegram. That's completely different.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: ((peels itself off the ground.))

**Yeah, it's different. I wanna go first! I wanna go first!**

RANDOM HEIFER:

**Fine, you go first... Don't run across the field, you moron. The humans'll suspect something.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER:

** Right, gotta be sneaky.**

((Slowly mosies across the field to the fenced edge, where nearby cows from the next field are casually grazing.))

**Okay, let's see here. One long moo, too shorts. No, that's not right.**

((calls back to RANDOM HEIFER)): **How do ya do this again? I forgot.**

RANDOM HEIFER: ((rolls eyes))

**Well first, you gotta introduce yourself properly, flip your tail like theres a fly or somethin'.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER:

**Oh right.**

((After a few fumbles, finally gets the message sent across properly, with the loving support of RANDOM HEIFER.))



((Soon, all the herds in the county were mooing the same message: "Find Black, I mean Jack. Potential Sweet Life for Cows and Calves. Roll of hay for everyone." and the message was moving across the state.))

Daniel:
Just thought I'd point out that we've got over 2500 posts now! Congratulations everyone.

[alec716]

Daniel:
Just thought I'd point out that we've got over 2500 posts now! Congratulations everyone.

2,500 POSTS AND CLOSING IN ON 23,000 PAGE VIEWS!!!

YEE-HAW!!!
(( All RANDOM HEIFERS dance wildly.  ))

(( And more than LUREEN'S PASTIES and JACK's head are spinning wildly.  ))

[alec716]

(( One scrawny-a&&ed RANDOM HEIFER, possibly number 21, is not yet on message with the new slogan

,

but all the others are trying to help find JACK a'fore ENNIS gives them something more poisonous than glances.  And the RANDOM HEIFER who ENNIS missed feeding, possibly number 98, is having to nose around for her own food. 

))


RANDOM RANCH HAND:

Jeez, ENNIS, number 132 is a huge heifer!






HUGH HEFNER:

Sorry, was someone talking to me?



My ears were, um, sort of blocked, so maybe I heard wrong.


RANDOM PLAYBOY BUNNY:

** giggle giggle **


SECOND RANDOM PLAYBOY BUNNY:

** giggle giggle **


THIRD RANDOM PLAYBOY BUNNY
FIRST RANDOM DIVA
CHER:

Hey, what does it take for a bunny to just maintain a little CHASTITY around here?!




SECOND RANDOM DIVA:



Excuse me, but did I hear that my picture was being featured prominently on the Performance Thread?!  Ooooo, I am so excited!!  I just love free publicity!


THIRD RANDOM DIVA:



No, possum, that was Roo Poo!



It's Australian, you know, just like me!  And that red-clad cad MISTER RAYMILLE!


SECOND RANDOM DIVA:

Oh, I see it better now! 



My bad!  But can I hang out with you girls anyway and watch the show?


THIRD RANDOM DIVA:



** That one's not exceptionally bright, I'm afraid.  How terribly, terribly sad for her!  Be nice to her, possums, anyway, could you?  Just for me? **

[Ellemeno]

POSSUMS

%% So friendly!! %%

((Settling in among all the scripts TERRY has been sent since becoming a star.))






((Offering a hostess gift they know will be popular around here))

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

((Although he does not really want to post so close to the above article of refuse, no one else seems to want to either, so he decides to get it over with. He sits on the couch and finishes Lucise's knitting project, doing his best to match Lucise's beautiful stitches. The wool yarn felt so delicate in his hands, but he had tested the skein's strength before and knew it was a magnificent batch.))

%% This must be the Broken Arsed Yarn... It has Lucise's signature attention to detail all over it.%%

((Guy hoped Lucise would like the the restaurant he had picked out. He couldn't exactly pronounce the name of the restaurant, and he always enjoyed exotic restaurants with even more exotic menu entrees, though he was certain the restauranteur had thought him insane when he made his strange requests about red wine.))

%% What are you thinking, Guy, you are insane!! %%

((Guy scowled at the thought that interrupted his thought-narration.))

%%Hush. I'm trying to think! %%

%% I can see that. You aren't doing too well. %%

((Guy shook his head and got up, heading toward the bathroom.))

%% What are you doing, Guy? You don't have to use the bathroom. %%

((Guy frowned solemnly and continued toward the medicine cabinet, quickly jerking it open and scanning the contents. He grabbed a small white bottle and swallowed a few pills.))

%% Guy, what did you just take? That wasn't -- %%

((The thoughts in his head silenced for the moment, Guy smiled to himself, made his way back to the sofa and resumed his knitting.))

((After a few minutes of knitting, Guy suddenly jerks upright.))

%% How did I get here? %%