<-- Introduce Yourself -->

[Aussie Chris]

My "Jack" wouldn't quit me! Nine years into my marriage,  I came out to my wife while we were watching the 1982 Gay breakthrough movie of its time, "Making Love." After a year of divorce court, the wife and I were granted "joint custody," and both went through bankrupcy in the process.  The marriage had lasted 10 years, my relationship with Jack lasted 8 years and was followed by a couple of extended relationships. However, for the past 12 years I've chosen to remain single but do occassionally date. BMF Contributor "Chris" might be interested in learning that my dream is to someday retire to my vacation stomping grounds in Melbourne, Australia and lasso my next mate in the Outback. Oh perhaps I can get Heath Ledger to fix me up with someone in his hometown of Perth. Got Tent....Will Travel.

Hey Denyys, not much to say but welcome, and nice to know you have fine taste in stomping grounds!

[Phillip Dampier]

Firstly, the not-so-vital statistics: my name is Chris, aged 38, hetero-friendly, and I've been living in Melbourne Australia for the last 15 years.  To be honest, I found my birth-city of Adelaide a bit depressing, mainly because that's where my immediate family live.  Basically, I'm "out" to anyone who cares to ask and to all of my (mostly straight) friends, but feel no need to make an issue for anyone else.  Somehow my family manages to make sure that the subject never comes up, even if I try, the poor dears (bless their cotton socks)!

I think we have a few Aussies around here.  Of all the countries outside of America that were part of the British empire, I have always suspected Australia and the United States are probably the closest as far as culture goes, especially when it comes to conservative views being injected into politics and society.
 
Australia's rugged regions probably help make BBM a plausible kind of film with a connection that is probably stronger than that experienced by those roaming about the midlands of the UK.  The scenery and setting of this film, for me, was just as much a character as the actors.  You'll have to fill us in on what life is like in different Aussie cities.  Most of what a lot of us here know about Australia surrounds Melbourne and Sydney.  And I'm sure life is considerably different in those places than in places like those that happen to share my last name - Dampier.  We Dampiers are famous for basketball, high seas piracy, and salt mines in Australia I guess.

What I found was an environment that was even less accepting than my Catholic high-school was (my parents wanted me to go to a good school even though we weren't Catholic).  I mean, sheesh, come on, if you're part of a minority group the last thing you need is to make it more "minor" by getting all bitchy and judgemental!  Surely we should be looking after each other yes?  Anyway, it was at this time that I came to the conclusion that, in general, there's something seriously wrong with just about any group that you can apply a collective noun to.  Ok, focus Chris, back to the introduction.

The gay community is extremely diverse with opinions all over the place on everything.  As far as the catty judgmentalism, I suspect that has to be related to the fact the community has been discriminated against from the outside, now it's our turn to discriminate against ourselves!  Yay.  I avoid the entire scene myself.  I have nothing in common with a lot of segments in the community.  One of the things I can say is that people don't have to be a part of the scene in order to find a happy life.  I have never spent any time in a bar or club, and found someone and now we live integrated with the rest of suburban America, where the number one issues are not whether you are going to be found out or bashed, but rather just how much will our taxes go up after our property is reassessed, will I get run over power walking today on my street while people drive by blissfully unaware as they chat on their mobiles and drink their Starbucks, and where in the world is my career going next.... Can anyone imagine Jack and Ennis running their cow and calf operation with Jack playing Lureen's role on her "addin machine" and Ennis looking for his shirt?  We'd all like to, probably.

I guess this is the point where I tie in Brokeback Mountain.  Here I am, content with my conclusion that the world is never going to be much more than a big, fat disappointment, and then this film comes into my life and my world is turned upside down.  Not only does it absolutely knock my socks off in a way that I never expected or even thought possible, but I find that there is an ever-growing community of Brokaholics that share in this obsession.  The early days after the first viewing BBM were hard to be sure, but somehow this was the most exquisite of tortures, and I wanted more.  And then the realisation came of how much I had been damaging myself, having resigned myself to the fact that I didn't deserve to be outwardly happy, and that I thought that I was ok with just being inwardly happy.  Here I thought I was a Jack, when in fact I was really an Ennis, terrified of being disappointed and still living by other people's rules.

Yup.  You get it.  And for those who let the years go by just tolerating it because you think you can't "fix it" we can see the potential end result of not making an effort to change it.  Right now.  That applies to everything.

No, this is about me being ok with me, and giving myself permission to let the Ennis in me (with affection) take less of a controlling interest in my life.

As I am finding out, it's a step by step process.  Baby steps that lead to success seems to be working better for me in that it keeps me motivated.  The fear of failure thing is a major roadblock, so I need a series of measurable successes (albeit small at first) in order for me to build the confidence needed to take the bigger steps.  So it will probably be for a lot of people.  Just being aware of the Ennis within us is a baby step right there, and hopefully with having him driven into us, even years from now we can chide ourselves for Ennis-like behavior right as we're doing it, instead of seeing it only years later.

[IdahoLonely]

Hi. To answer the question about Idaho it is not the most unfriendly state for gays that would be Utah I think. In Idaho people dont have time to spend worrying about what they never see any way. Most people ignore it. I dont know what I am but I have been thinking about it after I wrote my messages here. I still think about the movie a lot and will buy it mail order when it comes out. I have to be quick on the computer at the library tonight because there are a lot of people here and I have to keep clicking off the page.

[Denyys]

I think we have a few Aussies around here.  Of all the countries outside of America that were part of the British empire, I have always suspected Australia and the United States are probably the closest as far as culture goes, especially when it comes to conservative views being injected into politics and society.
 
Australia's rugged regions probably help make BBM a plausible kind of film with a connection that is probably stronger than that experienced by those roaming about the midlands of the UK.  The scenery and setting of this film, for me, was just as much a character as the actors.  You'll have to fill us in on what life is like in different Aussie cities.  Most of what a lot of us here know about Australia surrounds Melbourne and Sydney.  And I'm sure life is considerably different in those places than in places like those that happen to share my last name - Dampier.  We Dampiers are famous for basketball, high seas piracy, and salt mines in Australia I guess.

G'day Phillip and Chris and Aussie Wannabes,
For truly something "Different" outside the city, I recommend a "rugged" Camel ride (short hauls ONLY!) and a swag for a camping  safari to the Outback in the Nortern Territory. There take time to learn about the "Dream Time" from the Aboriginal National Park Rangers and visit Uluru (Ayers Rock)-Kata Tjuta National Park ( but  Please Don't Climb The Rock" its a Aboriginal  Spiritiual site) trek around The Olgas, and DO CLIMB Kings Canyon.AWESOME comes to mind.

RE: Australia as plausable setting for BBM or Cowboy kind of film. It's been done in grand fashion...check out the Australian Classic flick and Soundtrack to "The Man From Snowy River."
 
Cheers Mate,
Denyys

 

[Phillip Dampier]

Hello. My name in Chris and I live in Eastern Idaho but was born and raised in Jackson which is in West Wyoming. I found your web-site from looking for information about Brokeback Mountain. I am 27 years old and am a mechanic for a living. My only Internet is through the public free library which I spend time at because my sister needs a ride home from her job and I kick time around waiting by being on the computer. I didnt know about Brokeback Mountain until I saw it on the news. I need to say I have had these feelings before but I dont like to mind them much. I have messed around before on my girlfriend with this bud of mine when I was in school a couple times but we dont talk about it. So I was curious about Brokeback.

Welcome Idaho, especially to someone who lives in the vicinity of the mythical Brokeback Mountain. 

I thought they filmed it in Wyoming and I wanted to see if I knew any of the places.

As I am sure you are aware by now, the filming was actually done in western Alberta.  From what I have been told, the general look and feel of the area is similar to Wyoming, so it is supposed to be a reasonable facsimile.

You gotta understand there is no way I am seeing this in a town where people know me. No way. That means a long haul to Boise if you want to see it. I had luck in having to drive there to pick up some truck parts and stay overnite so I went to see the first evening showing in the movies. I admit I had to walk out after the second scene in the tent after the first one. I was shaking hard and was real upset by the sitaution. I got going if you know what I mean. It scared me because I knew those feelings. I almost got sick in the mensroom and had to leave. The movie manager saw me and asked if I was feeling right and I said I wasnt. He gave me a free ticket and I left. Up the road there was a diner and I stopped and got the paper and had some coffee. I had this paper in front of my face for an hour and didnt read a thing in it. I just kept looking at it like I was.

Thank you for what has probably been the most vivid of stories about this movie I have seen on here.  I think you suffered more raw emotion just getting through the film than many of us.  I am assuming that when you say you got going above, you mean you were physically aroused, to put it delicately.  I am also amazed that there are still theaters out there that will actually have employees inquire after you and present you with a complimentary ticket!  You have to basically set yourself on fire at our corporate theaters (Cinemark, Regal, Loews, et al.) to get anyone's attention, much less get handed a free ticket!

I was lucky enough to see it with people who I was close to, so it was easier to lean on them through any difficult parts.  It makes a profound difference seeing this film on a big screen - harder too, because unless you literally shut your eyes, there is nowhere to look but at the screen.  You can't escape what is unfolding before you.

I dont know if you know how hard it is not to start crying. I was messed up. I got out of the place and back into the truck and drove around crying like a baby. It was these waves where you'd think you have it stopped and then it comes on again. I got no sleep in the motel when I got back there.

I think a lot of us understand very well.  I made it through the entire film and the ride home just sort of dazed.  The tears didn't start until the following morning.  My typical response to a major upset is to get numb and dazed for awhile and then break down.  With BBM, it took several days of emptying tissue boxes before I got the grief down to a tolerable level.  Sleep was a mess for me as well.  I woke up two days in a row four hours earlier than normal and just had to get out of bed because I could not just sit there without distraction or else things would only get worse.  It's like when you have a nightmare.  Emotionally you overreact to nightmares when everyone is asleep or you are alone, and it's dark.  Rationalizing after being woken up by a nightmare is not easy.  But usually by late in the afternoon you think, why was I so ridiculous last night.

So now I act loner and do my own things. My bud moved to Colorado and we dont talk anymore. My folks keep bugging me to get married and my mom says I am too quiet. After seeing Ennis, I saw a lot of me and I guess so that I am too quiet. Unless I know them really good I am not a good talker. But I dont know if all of this means I am gay or am going to be alone or what? Mostly I just dont want to be alone. What I guess I am saying is that I came here to figure myself out better and I need a place to do that.

Not being alone in your life is a major goal for most people.  Nothing strange there.  I spent my high school years being as anti-social and introverted as can be.  I essentially had no close friends at all.  I didn't open up until college.  I forced myself to take a chance and be more open, finding that when you are open yourself, a lot of people will reciprocate.  It takes trust to get trust in return, and indeed you will get burned from time to time, but it's still worth the effort.  As to your experiences with your friend, we are already discussing that in Safe Haven so I won't repeat myself here.  Needless to say, there is plenty of time to work on these things because this place is going to be around for a long time to come.

[Phillip Dampier]

G'day Phillip and Chris and Aussie Wannabes,
For truly something "Different" outside the city, I recommend a "rugged" Camel ride (short hauls ONLY!) and a swag for a camping  safari to the Outback in the Nortern Territory. There take time to learn about the "Dream Time" from the Aboriginal National Park Rangers and visit Uluru (Ayers Rock)-Kata Tjuta National Park ( but  Please Don't Climb The Rock" its a Aboriginal  Spiritiual site) trek around The Olgas, and DO CLIMB Kings Canyon.AWESOME comes to mind.

I guess the equivalent film for Brokeback would have been Priscilla Queen of the Desert which we saw at the local art house several years ago.  Straight actors playing gay characters confronting conservative rural society.  It's definitely closer than Torch Song Trilogy, that's for sure.  I am always prowling around looking for music for BBM Radio so I'll have to see if I can hunt down the soundtrack.  It's actually been very difficult to find good instrumental music that fits the mood of Gustavo's score.  Finding vocal country and western music that speaks to lost love is like finding snow here in western NY.  It's never a problem.

[Aussie Chris]

I guess the equivalent film for Brokeback would have been Priscilla Queen of the Desert...

Ehem, I'd just like to say NOOOooo!  BBM cannot be compared to PQotD on any scale!  *shudders*  Don't get me wrong, I loved Priscilla.  It had a lot of charm and Aussie qwerkiness, and ultimately a nice message about love and acceptance, but really, you might as well suggested Crocodile Dundee!!!  And as for the soundtrack, as much fun as it was, I just can't see "I've never been to me" and "I Love The Nightlife" mixing well with "He's a friend of mine" or "The Maker Makes".  I'm Aussie and very proud of it, but...  *shudders again*

[Phillip Dampier]

Ehem, I'd just like to say NOOOooo!  BBM cannot be compared to PQotD on any scale!  *shudders*  Don't get me wrong, I loved Priscilla.  It had a lot of charm and Aussie qwerkiness, and ultimately a nice message about love and acceptance, but really, you might as well suggested Crocodile Dundee!!!

Trust me, I am referring only to the general setting for the film in the rural conservative sense.  Obviously gay drag performers dancing to disco tunes has no comparison to BBM whatsoever.  I promise not to discuss Adam Sandler or Pauly Shore on here if you promise never to mention Crocodile Dundee again.   

The soundtrack I was referring to in my post was that of "The Man From Snowy River."

[Aussie Chris]

Trust me, I am referring only to the general setting for the film in the rural conservative sense.  Obviously gay drag performers dancing to disco tunes has no comparison to BBM whatsoever.  I promise not to discuss Adam Sandler or Pauly Shore on here if you promise never to mention Crocodile Dundee again.   

The soundtrack I was referring to in my post was that of "The Man From Snowy River."

ROTFL: Absolutely, I promise! 

And TMFSR may just fit in quite nicely.  Hopefully The Man's strings and piano theme combine well with BBM's lonesome guitar solos.  Actually I've actually been on a horse-trek into the area where they filmed TMFSR - the cabin (known as Craig's Hut) is still there from 1982, virtually untouched, and the scenery remains so beautiful that it brings tears to your eyes.  While there, it was not difficult to hear The Man's theme filling the air, but now when I try to think back all I get is the BBM theme.  I'm suddenly feeling strangely compelled to get my butt over to Wyoming (and/or Alberta, Canada) and go for a horse ride with my mp3 player and a Brokaholic or two...

[iristarr]

I posted this on the Welcome Board, but thought I'd move it over here.  So happy to see the recent posts and that the "community" is growing.  This is just an introduction, and I look forward to reading your posts in more depth.[font=Verdana
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Nancy, thanks for your welcoming words, and the sweet pic of "our boys."  I'm so totally jazzed that there are people like you, and a place like this, to make my home.  I'm a woman of 75 years, born and raised in Berkeley.  Right across the Bay! I grew up shy and solitary in some ways, never dated in high school (until a stroke of luck just before graduation, when I was asked to the senior prom.)  The first boys in my life were a couple of years before that.  I used to travel on the F train to SF several times a week to take ballet lessons at the SF Ballet School when it was on Van Ness, right across from the Opera House.  I discovered that one could sometimes usher there (at the OH) , so I signed on for that and it was there that I met my first boy friends.  Three boys, 17 years old, from Castlemont High school in Oakland, who loved the ballet, the symphony, the opera.  From then on I practically lived over there every chance I got.  We had so much fun together, walking all over SF, taking the train back late at night (my blessed mother coming to pick me up at the end of the line).  Of course these boys were "gay" although that word had no homosexual connotations in 1946.  They were just my first sweet loves, and I understood on some level their sexual preferences, it was never spoken of and didn't make any difference whatsoever.  I had found my "circle."

Well, years passed, my hormones finally kicked in, men came, I married once, divorced, married again. No children.  By 1960 I was alone to explore the SF jazz scene, inter-racial affairs, many men, much unhappiness and confusion.  No idea what I was doing with my life.

I'm not going to try to bring this life story all up to date just now, but Brokeback Mountain -- oh my God, how it has released a lifetime of tears, memories, connections, understandings, dreams, moments of transformation.  I have been working (on some depression issues) with a therapist for about six months.  She's very enthusiastic and supportive of the process I seem to be undergoing with BBM.  All the addictive behaviors, the obsession, the listening to the CD over and over, seeing "the movie" once a week, living on the IMDb boards, neglecting my laundry and housekeeping, coming to understand the incredible depth of that masterpiece. I've got so much more to spill out, but maybe this is a good start.
I know I'm in good company here, and look forward to hearing more of your process, and sharing mine.
Peace, Elaine (aka Iristarr)