WOW!
I'm just flattened.
It's been a long time since I've bothered to welcome a new member on this thread, though I often read it. Your story, optom3 is huge. As Meryl said, everyone (Brokies) has been affected strongly by the movie - that's what brought us here, and for some, brought us to view (and analyse every tiny piece of) the movie many times. For me it was about 10 times in the theatres - and I haven't seen any other movie at the theatre in the past 20 months. Musta watched it 100 times by now (and read the short story and additional 20 times).
Here's hoping that you'll find solace in here, as you are among folks who should be able tounderstand what you're talking about.
Welcome home optom3.
Hi,
thankyou so much,it seems that's all I seem to say these days!!!! Two things I never mentioned in my original tale, were that since we have been in the states my 14 year old son has been diagnosed bipolar, which his psychiatrist thinks may have been triggered by an incident of sexual abuse at his scout summer camp.He has been unwell for some time but after the camp his behavior disintegrated beyond all belief.He refused ever to go back to scouts and in my infinite wisdom I thought he had just decided it was uncool!!!
A phone call from the scoutmaster one afternoon revealed the real cause for his complete disintegration.He has still not spoken of it but is undergoing intensive psychotherapy and is on large doses of medication.Less than one month after ,my husband was robbed at gunpoint by a masked man.So as you can imagine my head is in a very bad space at the moment.Watching the film over and over merely opened the floodgates.I questioned why I had not followed my heart ,as had I so done neither my son or husband would have fallen victim to such horrendous incidents.
It is all so complex but I guess tied in with a lot of guilt.Just like Ennis I thought I was doing the right thing and yet just like him my actions and cowardice have ended in tragedy.That is why I weep like a baby every time I watch it.I continue to analyse both the film ,book and my own actions and end up just going round in circles.Not only that but there is the ten ton guilt weight sat on my shoulders as I still miss the man so badly.
I have found real hope from some of the stories here and will stay around for as long as I am welcome.I need to make ammends for so many things,whilst at the same time learning to control my own grief.
One final thought and that is I have had more help and good advice from people here than via several expensive councilling sessions,so bless everyone for that.I try to look forward and hope that one day my life will be full of joy and promise and that in some way I will be able to grow from all I have been through.I pray daily for my son that he too will find some peace without the need for such heavy duty medication.On a positive not my other son and daughter have had nothing but wonderful experiences since being here.With opportunities that would never have come their way back in England.
best wishes
Fiona