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Forced "Out"

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starboardlight:
I'm not for forced outing either, but sometimes when it serves to expose hypocrisies, I tend to take guilty pleasure in it. Some of you will remember back in the days at PT, there was a story about a pastor who had been out spoken in his community against gay rights, then was caught propositioning an undercover cop in a hotel restroom. I'm sorry to say, in that case, I couldn't help but feel like the world is better off for that "forced outing".

I do agree with Barb, that denying the rumors with a negative comment is hurtful and adds to the stigma.

delalluvia:

--- Quote from: starboardlight on July 28, 2006, 04:16:11 pm ---I'm not for forced outing either, but sometimes when it serves to expose hypocrisies, I tend to take guilty pleasure in it. Some of you will remember back in the days at PT, there was a story about a pastor who had been out spoken in his community against gay rights, then was caught propositioning an undercover cop in a hotel restroom. I'm sorry to say, in that case, I couldn't help but feel like the world is better off for that "forced outing".

I do agree with Barb, that denying the rumors with a negative comment is hurtful and adds to the stigma.

--- End quote ---

I agree that a 'mind your own business' is the best answer, that can also appear to be a neutral nolo contendre type answer and after a while, some people - in the public eye especially - may get exasperated of the subject being brought up again and again and again for years and years and years since "s/he didn't deny it" and finally just blurt out the declaration.  It isn't meant to be hurtful, but to get others off their backs.

As for the other, unfortunately there are still laws on the books and the cop was just doing his job.  I don't call this an 'out-ing'.  Had the guy just stuck to dating secretly, he might have kept the secret he so obviously wanted to.

starboardlight:

--- Quote from: delalluvia on July 28, 2006, 06:22:37 pm ---I agree that a 'mind your own business' is the best answer, that can also appear to be a neutral nolo contendre type answer and after a while, some people - in the public eye especially - may get exasperated of the subject being brought up again and again and again for years and years and years since "s/he didn't deny it" and finally just blurt out the declaration.  It isn't meant to be hurtful, but to get others off their backs.
--- End quote ---

I understand that it didn't come from a hurtful intention. But it still hurts. By answering negatively, it still plays into the homophobia. I don't even demand people say "Mind your own business." Like Barb pointed out, Jake's denial with a positive answer "We're good friends" is a really classy way to address it. Celebrity can say "I'm straight". That's a good way to be open and not make it negative.


--- Quote ---As for the other, unfortunately there are still laws on the books and the cop was just doing his job.  I don't call this an 'out-ing'.  Had the guy just stuck to dating secretly, he might have kept the secret he so obviously wanted to.

--- End quote ---

I agree the cop was doing his job. That's not where the outing came from. It came from media attention. It's always the media that does the outing. And for the most part I'd say the media over steps the bounds of decency, though I also recognize freedom of the press. I think they have a right to "out" people, but it is up to us to not buy their stories if we find it offensive that they do.

delalluvia:

--- Quote from: starboardlight on July 28, 2006, 07:03:57 pm ---I don't even demand people say "Mind your own business." Like Barb pointed out, Jake's denial with a positive answer "We're good friends" is a really classy way to address it.
--- End quote ---

It is, but it's not a specific answer for someone looking for it.  Obviously, gay people have friends too.


--- Quote ---Celebrity can say "I'm straight". That's a good way to be open and not make it negative.
--- End quote ---

Agree.


--- Quote ---I agree the cop was doing his job. That's not where the outing came from. It came from media attention.
--- End quote ---

I don't think it was an 'out'ing' by the media as much as a juicy story of a law-breaker busted by cops.  Any outspoken religious person being caught 'sinning' is headline worthy.

Hence the shit that's about to hit the fan with our man Mel Gibson and his alleged DUI.

Katie77:
I think what happens with these people who the press continually keep saying...."rumours are that so and so is gay"....makes it sound like there is a stigma to being gay.and that they are finding some "dirt" on the person.....

It puts that person in a very awkward position, a position, that they didnt create, but some press rumour monger has created.....

By saying "no, I am not gay".....it can be taken as "no, dont put that stigma on me", or it can be taken that they are just stating a fact, so there once again, leaves the bloody press to interpret their reply in a way that will attract some headline....

I remember someone answering to a rumour one time saying, "no, I am not gay, but if I was, I would be just as happy to be saying, yes, I am gay"......

There is no easy way out for these people, and one would have to have some sympathy for them because, once rumours start going around about them, they end up in a position of being damned if they dont and damned if the do...reply....

And as we know, it is just the gay issue that they have to cope with, there is always, "so and so is pregnant", "so and so is separated from his/her partner"..."so and so is having an affair"...it goes on and on.....anything to sell magazines and newspapers....its the price of fame I guess...where they lose their privacy.

And we can say "who bloody cares"....but people are curious by nature, and its us who buy these magazines and newspapers, and I do think, that most of us read things like that and say "ok....he/she is gay....now what else is new?".....nobody stopped buying Elton John or George Michael records because they are gay, people would still watch Oprah, the world would still go on.....

As a bit of humour....if the magazine said "so and so is straight....and happily married.....would we be all waiting with baited breath to hear a denial of this.......

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