The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Forced "Out"
Aussie Chris:
Bless you all: Barb, Nipith, LJ, and David. And I agree Nipith, having this conversation with you is much easier knowing that you all come from a place of love and acceptance, and I am grateful for the opportunity to explore our very different views, knowing that fundamentally we want the same things!
--- Quote from: ednbarby on July 29, 2006, 09:00:09 pm ---Sorry to be so negative about Oprah, y'all. I don't care for her - haven't for a long time (no kidding, right?) and I flew off the handle in her general direction.
--- End quote ---
Oh my lordy yes Barb, we know this all too well. I don't agree, but I don't think our respective opinions about Oprah are important. I really do take your point about it being better to point out your straight by saying your straight, and that "I'm not gay" has a negative connotation. It may even contribute to a fledgling gay person to think that there is something wrong with being homosexual. But even if the entire world was positive and open about sexuality, there would be those that feel shame because they are different, and humans fear things that are unfamiliar.
But back to the issue of negativity, I do think there is a very big difference between negative connotation and bigotry, especially if the person doesn't realise they are being negative. Several of my closest straight friends have said exactly those words, and while I heard the negative in their words I also heard the fear (that someone might think they are gay). Now that I'm out, this negativity has no effect upon me other than to pity them. I thought (and think): stupid straight people, thank God I don't have to worry about people thinking I am gay any more; it must really suck to be straight! But before you say that's all fine for you after all you’re out, but what about all the people who aren't? Well that's life isn't it? We all have to battle with acceptance, and just like the impracticality of stopping your children from becoming ill, you just can't protect people from feeling insecure; they'll do that all by themselves.
Ok, before I finish with this thought for one night, did you notice the irony in that you were challenging Oprah and Gayle's "I'm not gay" as being negative, and you ended up being negative in the process? This is not an accusation; I'm referring to the above quote. Question: was I being negative by pointing this out, or the way I pointed this out? Answer: quite possibly, or even probably. So my question to you now is: what does all of this irony (or is it hypocrisy) mean with respect to Oprah's negativity? Is it reasonable to even entertain a negative thought about someone who says something that has a negative connotation? Careful, if you say yes (because they are a public figure) then you're saying we are allowed to be negative and they are not!
Something to think about... 8)
silkncense:
Nipith & Barb - Love having these discussions & so glad we met in person & I know what wonderful people you are. Chris & David - Here's hoping I meet you sometime soon too (Alberta perhaps?) -
I think in the case of Richard & Cindy you have to take the way their ad appeared on face value as I assume they themselves wrote it. I personally never saw it so cannot address the tone or wording. Regarding Oprah, I believe the media often uses 'shorthand' esp in their headlines so it is not clear if either actually ever said, "I am not gay!" as I believe the headline was written. I did see Gayle speak & it was clear from her comments (which I do not have as exact) that there was no negativitely intended.
Because the written word is hard to interpret due to lack of tone & facial cues, there are often misunderstandings - often even in e-mail among friends. So when someone writes what was previously spoken the message can be confused, maybe even reversed. If I say I'm not gay (which I may, depending on the form of the question) it would absolutely not be negative in intent. Another person may reply, "I am straight." and say it with a negative inflection believing that the oppositive being implied is offensive. (Does the way that was written make sense? ???).
While wording is obviously important, I am much more interested in watching & hearing a person. And people speak in shorthand as well. So, you might not hear -
--- Quote ---"What a loss for straight women everywhere" or "Our loss is gay men's gain" (or any derivation thereof that)
--- End quote ---
But instead "DAMN, he's gay!" vs
"Damn, he's GAY!"
Just as Nipith shows, the placement of & tone of the word emphasised makes the point.
--- Quote ---when celebs would publicly say "I'm NOT gay!" I was angry at the whole thing.
--- End quote ---
It is clear, Barb, that your knowledge of the person was more important than her mere words. I am sure you relied primarily on visual cues & prior knowledge - (although I don't see how that woman's comment could be construed as anything but negative??!) I clearly recall watching Scott Petersen doing an interview while his wife Lacy was missing. He was all smiles & polish & concern. His cell phone began ringing during the interview & he ignored it - it rang & rang & then he TURNED IT OFF! I knew right then he'd killed his wife.
So, whenever I read something, I often still wonder - what exactly did they mean to say?
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[*] Previous page
Go to full version