The World Beyond BetterMost > Women Today
All-women online boards different from all-men onlline boards?
delalluvia:
I posted this and some comments in the thread Bitch, bitch, bitch and have decided to copy it here to see if other women have this experience. ;D
Why is it that on internet community boards, I seem to get along fine with boards whose posters are the majority men and boards that are co-ed, but on boards where the majority of the posters are women, I don't?
I find this extremely strange seeing as men are scarce in my life and I do nothing but interact almost daily with no one but women. I've not dated or had sex with a man in over 5 years, my sister hasn't had men in her life on a regular basis since her divorce, my father passed away years ago, I only see my half-brother one or twice a year, all my closest friends are women and when I was employed, the majority of my fellow co-workers were women as well.
I am invariably confronted, told I am too upfront, too blunt {that is seen as a bad thing, apparently), the wording of my posts is 'unfortunate' or trollish. Some posters react with teary and/or very angry bitchy emotional posts.
Not that they all do, of course. A few women support and/or understand what I was saying/meant, but they invariably get beaten down by the outpouring of outrage. But seeing as I behave and the mods don't caution me and indeed they have posted several times cautioning the others that the board is a discussion board and not a 'support' board, there isn't much they can do except gang up against me whenever I post - sort of like a high school clique.
This has happened on at least 2 boards for me so far.
I have a theory that for women - in general - social cohesiveness of the group is deemed more important than individual expression.
e.g. I have been told to tone myself down so as not to hurt someone else's feelings.
On boards where men dominate, that idea that I might hurt someone else's feelings with the wording of my posts has never ever been brought up.
Anyone else have this problem or it is just me?
milomorris:
--- Quote from: delalluvia on July 30, 2009, 05:15:42 pm ---Anyone else have this problem or it is just me?[/b][/color]
--- End quote ---
*raises hand and waves it energetically*
MEMEMEMEMEME!!!
--- Quote from: delalluvia on July 30, 2009, 05:15:42 pm ---I posted this and some comments in the thread Bitch, bitch, bitch and have decided to copy it here to see if other women have this experience. ;D
--- End quote ---
Not a woman, obviously. But I do have some comments.
--- Quote from: delalluvia on July 30, 2009, 05:15:42 pm ---
Why is it that on internet community boards, I seem to get along fine with boards whose posters are the majority men and boards that are co-ed, but on boards where the majority of the posters are women, I don't?
--- End quote ---
My answer below...
But first...
--- Quote from: delalluvia on July 30, 2009, 05:15:42 pm ---I am invariably confronted, told I am too upfront, too blunt {that is seen as a bad thing, apparently), the wording of my posts is 'unfortunate' or trollish. Some posters react with teary and/or very angry bitchy emotional posts.
Not that they all do, of course. A few women support and/or understand what I was saying/meant, but they invariably get beaten down by the outpouring of outrage. But seeing as I behave and the mods don't caution me and indeed they have posted several times cautioning the others that the board is a discussion board and not a 'support' board, there isn't much they can do except gang up against me whenever I post - sort of like a high school clique.
--- End quote ---
Everything you just mentioned has been happening to me here at Bettermost. Everything. Same exact shit. And its not just the women, its the entrenched gay men too.
--- Quote from: delalluvia on July 30, 2009, 05:15:42 pm ---I have a theory that for women - in general - social cohesiveness of the group is deemed more important than individual expression.
--- End quote ---
I agree with that. I would also say that is true of men, but in a vastly different way. Women don't just want your cooperation, they want your agreement too. They want everybody to feel what they are feeling, and express that in harmony. Men just want you to do what needs to be done...whether you like it or not. And women just don't like that "whether you like it or not" aspect. Feelings are a bigger part of the equation with women, and the relative absence of consideration for emotions among males bothers women.
--- Quote from: delalluvia on July 30, 2009, 05:15:42 pm ---e.g. I have been told to tone myself down so as not to hurt someone else's feelings.
On boards where men dominate, that idea that I might hurt someone else's feelings with the wording of my posts has never ever been brought up.
--- End quote ---
Tell me about it!!
This is the ONLY board where people disagree with me AND make it personal. On other boards I have debated some of the "controversial" issues that I have debated here (Gay Identity, masculinity, etc.) with no flame wars. People on those boards will question my thinking, my logic, my understanding, etc. But they never question my character, my integrity, my sincerity, etc.
Interesting social dynamics.
delalluvia:
--- Quote ---Not a woman, obviously. But I do have some comments
--- End quote ---
No problem at all, I am interested in hearing from anyone with similar experiences whatever the dynamic.
bailey1205:
I post on a board where I am the only woman !
:D :D :D :D
The board is about half gay men and half straight.
Been there for going on 2 years, and thankfully, we don't discuss politics, or
religion.
We might disagree on things, but we all end up laughing at the end of the day.
milomorris:
--- Quote from: Susie on July 30, 2009, 06:47:53 pm ---That's never been the case with me ... I've only ever wanted my opinion to be respected, that's all. :)
--- End quote ---
You are you. You are not a group of women. Individuals often behave differently when group dynamics take over.
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