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Marge_Innavera:
Construction Complete On 9/11 Truther Memorial
UNDISCLOSED—On a remote patch of Kansas prairie believed to fall outside the range of U.N. spy satellites, construction is finally complete on the long- awaited 9/11 Truther Memorial, sources confirmed Wednesday.
Funded by donations from dozens of websites and fringe publishers, and dedicated to "the fearless amateur research and bold guesswork" of those seeking to "expose the secret machinations of the world's true puppet masters," the 7,000-square-foot monument has already attracted hundreds of visitors.
"It was a long time coming, but at last it's here," said Don Gustaf, a blogger who drove from Cincinnati to see the site. "This will stand forever in tribute to those who lost their lives the day clandestine CIA operatives used advanced wireless technology to electronically hijack a pair of 767s and remotely fly them into the World Trade Center."
Created by a design team who chose to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals from the Bilderberg Group, the memorial has as its centerpiece the "Truth Towers," a 60-foot-tall replica of the World Trade Center that houses a museum devoted to unanswered questions surrounding the attacks. Below it lies a pentagonal reflecting pool from which emerge 18 steps leading to the base of the monument, with each stair intended to symbolize one of the 18 Great Lies of the 9/11 conspiracy.
"This is a place where Americans can come to reflect on the most elaborate hoax in our nation's history," said Carol Bowerman, 53, wiping away tears as she walked passed a 15-foot granite cylinder representing the cruise missile used to fake a plane crash at the Pentagon. "On this hallowed ground, those of us who refuse to accept the official version of events can mourn the day the United States was taken over by a crypto-fascist cabal more powerful than anyone can imagine."
"It's so moving," Bowerman added.
The museum is free and open to the public, though $10 is charged for admittance to the theater screening an endless 12-second loop of the building at World Trade Center 7 collapsing, an event a modulated voice-over describes as an obvious controlled demolition.
Go to http://www.theonion.com/articles/construction-complete-on-911-truther-memorial,18034/ for The Full Story.
CellarDweller:
God, I love the Onion! :laugh:
Marge_Innavera:
Remains Of Ancient Race Of Job Creators Found In Rust Belt
...
Archaeologists say evidence of the long-dead race can still be readily found.
WASHINGTON—A team of leading archaeologists announced Monday they had uncovered the remains of an ancient job-creating race that, at the peak of its civilization, may have provided occupations for hundreds of thousands of humans in the American Northeast and Midwest. According to researchers, these long- forgotten people once flourished between western New York state and Illinois, erecting highly distinctive steel and brick structures wherever they went, including many buildings thought to have held hundreds of paid workers at a time.
"It's truly fascinating—after spending a certain number of hours performing assigned tasks, the so-called 'employees' at such facilities would receive monetary compensation that allowed them to support themselves and their families," said archaeologist Alan H. Mueller, citing old ledgers and time-keeping devices unearthed at excavation sites in the region. "In fact, this practice seems to have been the norm for their culture, which consisted of advanced tool users capable of exploiting their skills to produce highly valued goods and services."
"It's a complex and intriguing set of rituals we're still trying to fully understand," Mueller added. "But it appears as if their entire society was centered around creating, out of thin air, actual jobs that paid an actual living wage."
With his team having so far cataloged the decaying ruins of more than 400 edifices believed to have been used solely for human employment, Mueller said he now believes the inhabitants of mid-20th-century North America may have built their territory—in particular, the Great Lakes region and northern Appalachia—into one of the most advanced and prosperous civilizations in the world.
Numerous scholars told reporters the findings have challenged everything they thought they knew about the fundamental organization of human societies, calling it "staggering" and "almost unbelievable" that a culture predating our own had been able to provide work to nearly every person who sought it.
full story about the ancient civilization at http://www.theonion.com/articles/remains-of-ancient-race-of-job-creators-found-in-r,26490/
Marge_Innavera:
On October 17th, the Onion did a quick poll of Americans' reactions to Herman Cain's 9-9-9 soak-the-poor plan. A few results:
"Look, getting America out of this recession demands we all share the bold, written-on-the-back-of-a-napkin sacrifice Cain has proposed."
..
Henry Dodge, Systems Analyst
Marge_Innavera:
In Major Gaffe, Obama Forgets To Dumb It Down
..
December 6, 2011
CINCINNATI—In a serious miscalculation that may prove devastating to his bid for a second term, President Barack Obama neglected Tuesday to simplify a statement to the point where it could readily be grasped by anyone with the vocabulary of an 8-year-old. "Instead of saying, 'There are many global variables at work here, and unless they all fall into place, we could find ourselves back in a recession,' he should have just said, 'Times are hard. We gotta be strong,'" said Washington Post political correspondent Brian Meltzer, noting that Obama's statement during a speech on job creation was met with dumbfounded looks and audible gasps from the crowd.
"Americans are so used to meaningless homespun homilies, they don't know what to do when they're treated like thinking adults. The president has to understand that if he goes out there throwing around words like 'currency' and 'economy,' he'll end up being branded an elitist."
In an attempt to correct the error, Obama concluded his speech with the words "Jobs good. No jobs bad. God bless America."
http://www.theonion.com/articles/in-major-gaffe-obama-forgets-to-dumb-it-down,26820/
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