The World Beyond BetterMost > The Culture Tent
What Happened???
Jeff Wrangler:
--- Quote from: Luvlylittlewing on February 15, 2012, 05:14:53 pm ---I'm loving this -- especially the 'free range' parents.
--- End quote ---
Me, too! I'm sure I know what that phrase is supposed to mean, but, frankly, the image that came to mind when I read the phrase was kids letting their parents off the leash. ;D
Jeff Wrangler:
--- Quote ---Accomplishment of Natural Growth: The parenting style, favored by working-class and lower-class families, in which parents issue directives to their children rather than negotiations, encourage the following and trusting of people in authority positions, and do not structure their children's daily activities, but rather let the children play on their own. This method has benefits that prepare the children for a job in the "working" or "poor-class" jobs, teaches the children to respect and take the advice of people in authority, and allows the children to become independent at a younger age.
--- End quote ---
Hmm.
That sounds benign, but I wonder does the author discuss what may be called the "dark side" of this style--or, for that matter, the "dark side" of the other style as well?
Obviously I have little contact with families with children, and the contact that I do have is usually as a witness to behaviors in public, but it troubles me when I think of all the times I've witnessed "directives" in the form of profanity-laced yells directed at kids who are hardly more than toddlers. I'm not sure I buy the part about teaching children to "respect and take the advice of people in authority." Maybe back in the mythical 1950s, but today? Independence is a good thing, but what about when that independence results in gangs of adolescents beating up people in the subway?
milomorris:
--- Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on February 15, 2012, 11:08:29 am ---Seriously, are they still around? I thought those programs got done away with years ago. ???
I'm glad if they are still around. :)
--- End quote ---
Oh yes. they're still alive and well. I'll withhold my commentary so this thread doesn't go off-topic.
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on February 15, 2012, 07:37:55 pm ---Me, too! I'm sure I know what that phrase is supposed to mean, but, frankly, the image that came to mind when I read the phrase was kids letting their parents off the leash. ;D
--- End quote ---
It alludes to the title of a book called Free Range Kids, written by a woman who caused a big uproar when she wrote about letting her 9-year-old ride the subway alone. Her point is that we should trust kids to be safe on their own in public, without constant adult supervision.
I interviewed the author, Lenore Skenazy, last fall when writing about that Brooklyn 8-year-old who was abducted and killed while walking home six blocks from school. Her take was that while stories like that strike fear into parents' hearts, they extremely rare, and if parents are scared of anything they should be scared of letting their kids ride in cars, where they're much more likely to be killed.
ifyoucantfixit:
Just an iinteresting aside. We were at a restaurant the other day. A mother, her two children, and her (obviously) parents came in and
sat next to us. The oldest child was a girl. I guessed about 6 or 7 yrs of age. She had her on a harness, and leash. The boy, who was obviously
younger than his sister by about three or four years. He was not on a leash. He was allowed to walk and sit by himself. He tried to climb up
into a regular adult chair, and had difficulty, because it was a bit too high. In the mean time, they brought him a high chair to sit in. He happily
raised his arms, and allowed his grandfather to seat him. The daughter was helped into her seat, and the mom removed the leash and harness.
The mom, then went and filled the plates for the children. We were at a buffet meal. While she was filling the childrens plates, and the
grandparents were aiding her, by staying at the table, until her return. The grandmother got crayons and paper and entertaining items out of
her purse to keep the young lady occupied. The grandfather just talked to the little boy, just by telling him that the meal was going to be
exciting and wonderful. The boy smiled and waited for the food, with no problem. Meanwhile the young girl was trying to get out of her seat.
Trying to grab all the provided things that were on the table. The grandmother just patiently kept the things from her, and asked her to sit
in her seat and wait for the food.
Before long the mom was back. She sat the appropriate plates in front of the two kids. Then the boy started immediately to eat. The girl
had to be reseated in a forward facing position, and helped to learn to get the fork and spoons availability. She finally started to eat. The
whole group gave an obvious sigh of relief, at the now ability to find their own food, and to eat their own meals.
I was totally intrigued by this action. The mother, and the grandparents were so calm, so efficient, so prepared (the items in the purse.)
I was very impressed with the way they handled the episode. No tantrums, no crying, no problems. They were obviously very dutiful people.
Most people, (me included,) would see a child in a harness, and right away think "what a tyrant, how lazy." Any parent that would place their
child in that kind of an imprisonment must be very lax or lazy. I saw as I watched, it was a thing to keep the child from just simply wandering off
or running into traffic, or any of the other harms that might have insued. They were prepared, they knew the problems that the child had
and were willing to deal with it in the least dramatic way. No screaming, after the runaway child, no chasing them down the isles, no disruption
of the other diners. I just wanted to applaud them.. They were a very effective cohesive, and loving bunch. I was reluctant to leave, for
fear that I could have learned more, by observing them... I have raised four grown children of my own. I have had a large or a partial part in
raising many of my grandchildren. I still have the priviledge of being a go to counselor of my own children, even though they are grown, with
grown children of their own. I am a counselor to my grandchildren as well. It is a job, I love, and would not change for anything in the world.
My family is my life. My proudest achievement. I relish every second of the whole thing. From the first birth of my oldest daughter, until now,
when I am helping and enjoying great grandchildren.
I guess the whole point of this story, is to say, that with all of this history of raising and helping to raise children. I can still learn from others.
Someone that is dealing with an issue that I have not come in contact with..
This young mother, was raising two children, one a boy, and one a girl. You would automatically think that the older (girl,) and the youngest
a (boy,) were being handled in totally different ways. They were being treated according to the needs of the individual child. Not a one
size fits all approach.. Raising children, is both the most difficult job, and the most satisfying one ever attempted...
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