Thanks for the searching tips. I was basically looking for articles having to do with the non-economic aspects of caregiving, which I feel are underemphasized.
It seems like you and I read the same AARP article, maybe! I strongly remember something about 3 years ago about caregiving, which painted a misguidedly rosy picture of it! And the comments were a backlash trying to give a more balanced view, but swung the pendulum a little farther to the negative side. I'm interested in presenting a more balanced viewpoint and telling women (since it's mostly women who are facing this) that it's all right if you don't give up your whole life for your aging parent.
An example from today about how people get sucked in. I took R. for his first treatment for prostate cancer. The trip to the treatment center went smoothly and the wait was not intolerable. We were only at the doctor's office for about 2 hours, and I had reading material and a salad to eat that I'd made myself. I was heartened to see R. emerge from the procedure walking normally, all dressed, and not visibly in pain. (Of course, the valium and oxycodone he had received helped this.) We left and were headed to his home but R. announced that he was hungry. . . about 12 times he announced this. I said, "Okay, we can stop somewhere for food." He then proceeded to tell me to turn left here and turn right there and we made our way in a circuitous fashion down neighborhood streets. "This route is more fun!" he said, but I didn't agree, gnashing my teeth.
We stopped at a Whole Foods and he began to shop and stopped to tell several of the staff what he had just gone through. Another hour went by before we exited the store. I found my old resentments at my mother's slowness returning! I was practically fuming, but I tried to hide it. It was about 4:30 pm when we got back to his house and rush hour was in full force. R. kept talking nonstop, apologizing every once in a while by saying "I'm on drugs" but I finally just cut him off and said, "I've got to go."