Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum

For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance

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lachlan:
Hello, Brokies! I live in the Scottish Highlands (no TV or computer here; I use one when I'm visiting the town) but I work in Bulgaria much of the time; also in the mountains. However, I lived in the Cascade Mtns (west of the Rockies) back in the '60s. I had a remarkably similar relationship to that of Jack and Innes. Naturally, I was overwhelmed by the film but also totally convinced by it. From my own experience, and what I learned from others in similar circumstances, I can vouch for the authenticity of the narrative. I do, of course, have my own interpretation of some of the issues (overly-rigid "sexuality" definitions, exclusion from social groups - the Jimbo scene - and the emotional consequences of losing a loved one without any ritual of departure). I've just written some in the sites "davecullen" and "ennisjack" which I suppose have a crossover of membership. But I'd be happy to share some of my thoughts and memories as well as interpretations of the film and story. I'd also like to learn from others. Is there anyone else out there who had a secret male-male relationship in the American West during the '60s? My lover (and, yes, we both had women and kids) was named, coincidentally, Innes. And we first met in 1963 on a mountain sheep-ranch (in Packwood, WA). He was killed in January, 1971. I learned of his death from a postcard delayed by a postal strike (and as the post had come out of sequence, the message wasn't clear; I had to make that phonecall). And further; I found that he'd hidden his closest personal belongings among my own in a cellar cupboard rather than leaving them with his wife. I have them still. Hope to find some similar experiences - and some contrasting ones!     Lachlan - goin' round the coffeepot lookin' for...

HerrKaiser:
maybe talk to diana ross about not getting credit for a movie about your life.

Front-Ranger:

--- Quote from: lachlan on February 17, 2007, 09:48:12 am ---Hello, Brokies! I live in the Scottish Highlands (no TV or computer here; I use one when I'm visiting the town) but I work in Bulgaria much of the time; also in the mountains. However, I lived in the Cascade Mtns (west of the Rockies) back in the '60s. I had a remarkably similar relationship to that of Jack and Innes. Naturally, I was overwhelmed by the film but also totally convinced by it. From my own experience, and what I learned from others in similar circumstances, I can vouch for the authenticity of the narrative. I do, of course, have my own interpretation of some of the issues (overly-rigid "sexuality" definitions, exclusion from social groups - the Jimbo scene - and the emotional consequences of losing a loved one without any ritual of departure). I've just written some in the sites "davecullen" and "ennisjack" which I suppose have a crossover of membership. But I'd be happy to share some of my thoughts and memories as well as interpretations of the film and story. I'd also like to learn from others. Is there anyone else out there who had a secret male-male relationship in the American West during the '60s? My lover (and, yes, we both had women and kids) was named, coincidentally, Innes. And we first met in 1963 on a mountain sheep-ranch (in Packwood, WA). He was killed in January, 1971. I learned of his death from a postcard delayed by a postal strike (and as the post had come out of sequence, the message wasn't clear; I had to make that phonecall). And further; I found that he'd hidden his closest personal belongings among my own in a cellar cupboard rather than leaving them with his wife. I have them still. Hope to find some similar experiences - and some contrasting ones!     Lachlan - goin' round the coffeepot lookin' for...

--- End quote ---
When you saw the movie, it must have hit you like a ton of bricks. Thank you for making your way here. I asssume you're not still married. Do you think the movie will help you find the "handle"?

lachlan:
Yes, I think the movie definitely helped me find the "handle" inasmuch as it confirmed the intensity and truth of the most powerful love and loss that I've ever known. But it also served to convey this to many of my friends who have never quite understood what I went through. They seem to have a much more thorough understanding of the person that I am today after seeing the film. I was also quite taken by the CD of the music. Back in the 60's, it was always assumed that whenever a man sang a love song it was to a woman. We had to imagine that some songs were intended for us when we heard them. So I was quite overwhelmed to listen to "All I want to do is live with you..." and know that - as it was commissioned for BBM - it was intended to be from a man to a man. That fact was almost as profound as the movie itself. I also came to realise, although I'd thought of this before, that the fact that my Innes never had a funeral and that the extent of my relationship with him was not openly acknowledged at the time of his death, meant that I couldn't come to terms with the end of that stage of my life. When I saw the final scene of Innes in the trailer, I realised that I was witnessing myself as I am every year on Christmas Day. Innes and I never got to spend it together. For the past 36 years I've spent it largely, or entirely, on my own. The ritual with shirts and the photo is something which I have enacted countless times with Innes' picture, his pipe, his lighter, his repair kit and - yes - his shirts. I am considering arranging for a memorial service sometime in the future and to that end have been trying to track down others who knew us back then. I've managed to contact one so far and just emailed him a set of photos. His warm, thoughtful response was magnificent.

Front-Ranger:
Having a memorial is a very good idea. Please keep us informed on how this goes. Have you read the story??

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