The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Same-Sex Marriage Issue in MA
Lynne:
Hello everyone...
I've been holding off on posting this for about a week, so in a way, it's old(er) news; we've had so much new activity here :-) (which is inspiring and wonderful!). But I'm coming back to it now.
I'm interested in your thoughts about the same-sex marriage issue - perhaps, not so much from the political perspective, as much as what it might mean to you, personally.
The following link is to the Boston Globe's special report about this issue:
http://www.boston.com/news/specials/gay_marriage/
Did Brokeback Mountain influence your ideas about same-sex marriage in any way?
A few days ago, the MA Supreme Judicial Court used a 1913 law to deny marriage licenses in the state to same-sex couples who reside in states which have laws that specifically prohibit same-sex marriage.
Does the MA court ruling affect anyone in particular?
In advance, I appreciate your thoughtful and candid ideas.
-Lynne
Impish:
I have had the following conversation serveral times (reduced to its essence here):
Them: "Are you married?"
Me: "No, that would be illegal; I'm not allowed to marry."
Them: "What in the world do you mean?"
Me: "In our society, gay people are not allowed to marry."
Even though everyone knows this issue is in the news, people are neverthelss shocked by these sentences, saying that they never thought about the issue in just that way.
I think BBM -- the movie, that is -- addressed gay marriage directly at the end when Alma, Jr. visits Ennis to announce her engagement. She's 19, the same age Ennis and Jack were when they met. He tells her "well, you're 19 now, so you can do whatever you like, I guess" (paraphrasing). When he learns of her engagement, the sadness that comes over him at first, IMHO, is him thinking "I wish I could have married Jack when I was 19" and "how easy it is for others to marry the one they love."
Then he gets beyond that sadness -- or is at least able to set it aside for the moment -- and realizes how happy he is that his daughter won't have the same problem.
I also think that the marriage issue is one of the things that scares the extreme right so much: BBM finally gets through to the mass audience that being gay is not so much about who you go to bed with as much as it is about who you love. That simple idea shatters so many myths about gayness, and they don't want people to learn the truth.
Lynne:
--- Quote from: Impish on April 09, 2006, 07:31:36 pm ---Them: "Are you married?"
Me: "No, that would be illegal; I'm not allowed to marry."
Them: "What in the world do you mean?"
Me: "In our society, gay people are not allowed to marry."
--- End quote ---
You have a real gift for getting to the heart of the matter. Thank you for posting that.
It works so well because it takes an abstract idea and makes it personal. People being able to relate to Jack and Ennis should rightly scare those on the other side of the debate...It's easy to make theoretical arguments, but when you see gay people as people first, the character of the debate has to shift.
I think your understanding of the final Ennis/Alma, Jr. scene is right on target. I also had a glimmer that Ennis hopes Curt has a deeper understanding of himself than Ennis did at age 19 so Curt doesn't hurt Alma, Jr. the same way Ennis hurt and disappointed Alma. I interpret Alma, Jr.'s reassurance ('he loves me') as addressing this.
Impish:
--- Quote from: Lynne on April 12, 2006, 10:36:59 pm --- I also had a glimmer that Ennis hopes Curt has a deeper understanding of himself than Ennis did at age 19 so Curt doesn't hurt Alma, Jr. the same way Ennis hurt and disappointed Alma.
--- End quote ---
Yeah, I hear you. Ennis did love Alma (Sr.) in every way that was possible for him. He was very aware that he and Jack were not the only ones hurt by his inability to live and love honestly. This inability was in large part due to society, of course: Ennis was not allowed to marry the person he loved most. Still, part of it was also within Ennis.... after all, Jack wanted to live and love "honestly" as much as was possible in their day.
I've said elsewhere that marrying Alma was, in a sense, committing adultery against Jack. When I say that, however, I mean that marrying Alma was as hurtful to her as it was to Ennis or Jack: it caused Alma more hurt in the long run than calling off the wedding would have in the short term.
Now, after 40-plus years after Ennis married Alma, gay people are still forbidden to marry, and there are still many who marry people of the opposite sex to satisfy society's demands and their own internalized homophobia. Such gay people are bound for a life of regrets, and their straight spouses are also in for a world of hurt, just like Alma was.
Nobody wins by denying any minority the right to marry the person s/he loves. How ironic that the groups against marriage equality claim they're "defending" marriage, when their laws and amendments will create more bogus marriages, not fewer!
They just can't see that false marriages hurt straight people too.
Aussie Chris:
--- Quote from: Impish on April 09, 2006, 07:31:36 pm ---Them: "Are you married?"
Me: "No, that would be illegal; I'm not allowed to marry."
--- End quote ---
Hey there Bill, long time, no talk. I'm so glad you posted this. It's only recently that I've been thinking the same thing - another BBM induced catharsis I presume. In fact I just about knocked my best friend over by admitting that I would like to get married - the first time I've ever said that. I don't know if it's the idea of getting married or simply that I want to be allowed to if I was lucky enough to meet someone that I felt that way about. I haven't completely come to grips with this new realisation, but I know that I see us all as being equally deserving of being in love and able to share that love with friends and family. Oh, but what a burden this feels like. No longer can I sit back and accept the label of "minority group" or "alternative lifestyle". I don't even like "gay community" anymore, there's only one community and we're all a part of it...
IIIII... think I'll make myself a cup of tea, feeling a little agitated at the moment.
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