The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
dot-matrix:
Everybody who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot"
So I call mine "Sex" Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to City Hall to renew the dog's liccnse. I told the
clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
. . .He said, "I would like to have one too !"
, , , Then I said, "But she is a dog !"
, , , He said he didn't care what she looked like.
, , , I said, "You don't understand . . . I have had Sex since I was nine years old.
. . . He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."
. . . When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would
like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after
the wedding was over.
. . . I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole
world revolves around Sex."
. . . He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and he
would not maarry us in his church.
. . . I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
. . . The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace, My family is barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex.
. . . He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.
. . . I said, "You don't understand . . .Sex keeps me awake at night."
. . . The clerk said, "Me too !"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest.
. . . He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
. . . You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV."
. . . He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married."
. . . The Judge said, "Me too !"
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 am. I said, "I'm looking for Sex."
- - My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.
. . . Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
. . . I replied, " Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me forever. I couldn't live any longer, so lonely."
. . . The doctor said, " Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend, so get yourself a dog !!"
dot-matrix:
A pirate walked inro a bar and the bartender said, " Hey I haven't seen
you for awhile. What happened. You look terrible."
"What do you mean ? I feel fine", said the pirate.
"What about the wooden leg ?" You didn't have that before."
"Well we were in battle and I got hit by a canon ball, but I'm fine now.
"Well, what about the hook. What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got intoa sword
fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook, but I'm fine."
"What about the eye patch ?
"Oh one day, we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over, and I
looked up and one of them pooped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "But surely you couldn't
lose an eye just from a little bird poop?"
"It was my first day with the hook !!"
Kerry:
underdown:
--- Quote from: Susiebell on September 18, 2007, 07:18:19 am ---I'm lovin' all these jokes and stories and cartoons ... BRILLIANT!!
Susie :-*
--- End quote ---
That's the understatement of the year, Susiebell!!!
Dot.matrix .. you would leave everyone in your dust.
Love the cartoons, Kerry.
THANK YOU, people.
(It means rather a lot at the moment). :)
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