Kerry's Komedy Klub

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An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old Western town when he noticed a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon he asked a local, "What do you fellas do around here for entertainment?"

"Ya mean women?" asked the local yokel. "We ain't got none. 'Round here folks fuck sheep."

"That's disgusting," cried the correspondent, "I've never heard of such moral degredation."

However, after a few months, the correspondent's rocks were beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive. So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released his pent-up frustrations.

Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon for a drink. As the correspondent and his wooly mate entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares.

"You goddamn bunch of hypocrites!" the reporter yelled. "You've been fucking sheep for years, but when I do it up right you look at me like I'm some sort of crazy pervert!"

One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up, "Yeah, but that's the sheriff's gal!"

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A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a little lamb sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,

"Baaaa. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.

"Baaaa. 9 Iron." He looks at the little lamb and decides to prove the lamb wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.

He says to the little lamb, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky lamb, eh?"

The little lamb reply's "Baaaa. Lucky lamb."

The man decides to take the little lamb with him to the next hole. "What do you think little lamb?" the man asks.

"Baaaa. 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the little lamb, "OK where to next?"

The little lamb replies "Baaaa. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK little lamb, now what?"

The lamb says, "Baaaa Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?"

The little lamb replies, "Baaaa. $3000,black 6."

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the little lamb down and says,

"Lamb, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The little lamb replies, "Baaaa, Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the little lamb did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the little lamb turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.


"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

[TXdoug]

Baaaa !!!! Baaaa !!!!

[Kerry]

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Brillant 

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Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor.

While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room, a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard.

Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor: "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse."

The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant."

Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?"

The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."

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A cop pulls over a car load of nuns. The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.

The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "Oh, we just got off Highway 101."

[Kerry]

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For those who do not know, James McGreevey is the former Governor of New Jersey who announced his resignation in 2004 after revealing that he is gay and that he had an ongoing adulterous affair with a man.  Like everyone else these days he's written a book


Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey's Book

From "The Late Show With David Letterman," Top Ten Lists:

10. "The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself"
9. "How to Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years"
8. "From Schwarzenegger to Pataki: Governors I'd Like to Oil Up"
7. "Another Confession – I Can't Resist Entenmann's Pound Cake"
6. "At First I Just Thought I Was Bipartisan"
5. "The New Jersey Budget Crisis – What Would Judy Garland Do?"
4. "A Look at the Governor's Balls"
3. "Politicians Who Left a Bad Taste in My Mouth"
2. "How to Push Through a Bill – Or a Steve or a Larry…"
1. "Why I Don't Like Bush"