Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

At the wake, a woman told her priest that ever since she was
a child, she and her father had discussed life after death. They
had agreed that whoever went first would try to contact the
other. They had discussed it again only 2 weeks before his death.

He died in her home, and a few hours later, the smoke alarm in
her garage went off. She had lived there for 28 years and it had
never gone off before. She didn't know how to stop it and had to
call the security company.

The next morning, the smoke alarm went off again and the reason
finally dawned on her. She said aloud, "OK Dad, I missed the
signal yesterday, but I've got it now. Thanks for letting me know
that you are safe on the other side. Now, turn the darn thing
off so I don't have to call the security company again."

And it went off.

She immediately called her priest to relay the good news.

His response, "Dear, if every time your father sends you a message,
he sets off the smoke alarm, just where do you think he's
calling from ?"

[dot-matrix]

Three sisters, aged 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old runs a bath. She puts one foot in
and pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or
out of the bath ?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, but I'll come up
and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or coming down ?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea,
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure
hope I never get that forgetful."

She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll
come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

Andrew Johns is a famous Australian rugby league football player.

Here he is . . .

Sigh!

And yes, he does have a cute lil bubble butt!      

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences.

Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better' ones. Here are some of the descriptions of "ocean life."

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I
think they have to plug themselves to chargers. (Christopher age 7)

3. Oysters' balls are called pearls! (James age 6)

4. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)

5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

6. A dolphin breathes through an arse on the top of its head. (Billy age 8 )

7. My uncle goes out in his boat with pot, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

8. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

9. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

10. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

[dot-matrix]

When you have an ' I Hate My Job ' day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home :
 

Lock your doors

Draw the curtains

Disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
 
Change into very comfortable pajamas and sit in your favorite chair.

Carefully open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins:

Take out the literature and read it carefully.

You will notice,

in small print ,

there is a statement…



'Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested.'


Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:

'I am so thankful that I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson.'
 

HAVE A GLORIOUS DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS!

[Kerry]

Dottie, please, please, please post more Donelan cartoons! I love them!