Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life ?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady
replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my
condition because this prescription is marked - - -
' NO REFILLS',"

[dot-matrix]

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So he
hired a famous Asian detective to observe and inform
him of any activities that might develop. A few days later
he receives this report :

Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house. He come house. I watch.
He and she leave house, I follow.
He and she get on train. I follow.
He and she go in hotel. I climb tree ~look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strips she. She strips he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE.

[dot-matrix]

She was so blonde . . . . .


1. she thought a quarterback was a refund.
2. she thought General Motors was in the Army.
3. she thought Meow Mix was a cd for cats.
4.at the bottom of the application where it said
"sign here" she wrote Sagittarius.

She was soo blonde . . . .


1. she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
2. she sent a fax with a stamp on it.
3. she thought TuPan Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
4. under "education" on a job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

She was sooo blonde . . . .

1. she tripped over a cordless phone.
2. she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice
because it said, 'concentrate.'
3. she told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk"
and "Don't Walk."
4. she asked for a price check at a two dollar store.
5. she tried to put M&M s in alphabetical order.

She was soooo blonde . . . . .

1. she studied for a blood test.
2. she sold her car for petrol money.
3. when she went to the Airport and saw a sign
that said "Airport Left," she turned round and went
home.

She was sooooo blonde . . . . .

1. when she heard that 90% of all crimes occurred
at home, she moved.
2. she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Co.
3. she thought if she spoke her mind she'd be speechless.
4. she thought she could not use her A M radio in
the evening.

[underdown]

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life ?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady
replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my
condition because this prescription is marked - - -
' NO REFILLS',"

Ooooh, Dotty. What would we do without you?   

Hey, there's a variation on the above.

A man went home after seeing the doctor, and his wife asked ..
'Well, Harry, was the doctor pleased with your progress?'
'Oh my dear, I don't know how to tell you this', he replied.
'It's much worse than I thought.'
'Now now', said his wife, 'you only have reflux.'
'Did the doctor give you some pills?'
'Yes', he answered. 'He said I'd have to take them for the rest of my life'.
'Well, that's not so bad, Harry. Lots of people take pills every day.'
With that he broke down and sobbed ... 'But he only gave me five!'

[dot-matrix]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sat down
and engage in an animated conversation. The lady
sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention
is galvanised when she hears one say the following :

"Emma come first. den I come. Den two
asses come together, I come once-a-more. Two asses,
they come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul mouthed sex obsessed swine. "In this country
we don't speak out loud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady, said the man. "Who talking about
sexa ? I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to spella
Mississippi. "

[dot-matrix]

An Australian couple made a deal that whoever died first would
come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their
biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long
life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word,
he made contact.

"Rose . . . . Rose. . . ."
"Is that you, Douglas ?"
"Yes my dear, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like ?"

"Well, I get up in the morning , I have sex. I have
breakfast, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have
sex twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all
afternoon. After supper, I have sex until late at night.
The next day it starts again . . . . . "

"Oh, Douglas, you surely must be in heaven."
"Not exactly my darling, I'm a rabbit in Queensland."

[dot-matrix]