The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
underdown:
Smart rejoinders for the office. (for S.A.s).
1. Oh .. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to ask nicely.
16. You sound reasonable...Must be time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
24. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
25. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject
underdown:
A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.
The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn .. the wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors,and starts to read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am.
What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "Isn't it obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
underdown:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until i tell you," she said, "Pretend you are a statue."
"What's this ?" her husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied. "The Smiths bought one and i liked it so I got one for us, too."
Nothing more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 am the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, " Have this, I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
dot-matrix:
--- Quote from: underdown on November 07, 2007, 03:57:54 am ---A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until i tell you," she said, "Pretend you are a statue."
"What's this ?" her husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied. "The Smiths bought one and i liked it so I got one for us, too."
Nothing more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 am the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, " Have this, I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
--- End quote ---
Now that was FUNNY!
dot-matrix:
Wacky Definitions ~ ~
Adolescence ~~ period between puberty and adultery.
Bacteria ~~ the back entrance of a cafeteria.
Adults ~~ people who have stopped growing at the ends but have
started to grow in the middle.
Blunderbuss ~~ a coach load of spinsters on their way to a maternity
hospital.
Buoyant ~ ~ male equivalent of gallant.
Catacomb ~ ~ comb for a cat.
Cloak ~~ mating call of a Chinese frog.
Dogma ~ ~ the mother of puppies.
Eunuch ~ ~ man cut out to be a bachelor.
Mistress ~ ~ something between a mister and a mattress.
Mushroom ~ ~ place where Eskimos train their dogs.
Myth ~ ~ unmarried female with a lisp.
Octopus ~ ~ an eight sided cat.
Polysyllables ~ ~ the language of parrots.
Sadist ~ ~ someone who would put a drawing pin on an
electric chair.
Signature tune ~ ~ song of a young swan.
Ultimate ~ ~ the last person to marry.
Vice versa ~ dirty poems.
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