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Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Katie77:

dot-matrix:
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring
up at a large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was
covered with names, and small flags mounted either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time,
so when the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and
saidquietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on
the plaque. "Pastor, what is this ?"

"Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who
died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little
Alex's voice was barely audible, trembling with fear, when he
asked, "Which service, the 9.45 or the 11.15 ?"

dot-matrix:
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are excited about their
decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they
pass a Chemist. (drugstore) Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes.

Jacob : We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist : "Of couse we do."

Jacob : "How about medication for circulation ?"

Pharmacist : "all kinds."

Jacob : Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis ?"

Pharmacist : "Definitely."

Jacob : "How about Viagra ?"

Pharmacist : "Of course."

Jacob : "Medication for memory problems, arthitis, jaundice ?"

Pharmacist : "Yes, a large variety. . . the works !"

Jacob : What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for
Parkinson's Disease ?"

Pharmacist : "Absolutely."

Jacob : "You sell wheelchairs and walkers ?"

Pharmacist : "All speeds and sizes . . .why do you ask. . . is there
something I can help you with ?"

Jacob : "We'd like to nominate your store as our Bridal Gift
Registry."
 ::)

dot-matrix:
This woman walks into a chemist shop and tells the pharmacist she wants
to buy some arsenic. He says, "What do you want with arsenic?"

She says, "I want to kill my husband because he cheats on me by having
sex with another woman."

The pharmacist says, "I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your husband
even if he is having sex with another woman."

So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband
having sex with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist says, "Oh, I didn't realize you had a prescription."

dot-matrix:
A man called the Church office one day and asked to speak to "the head hog at the trough."

The Pastor's secretary was taken aback by this discription of her spiritual leader and told the man
if her wished to speak to the Pastor he was going to have to address him correctly as Pastor or
Reverend.

The man then told her the reason he wanted to speak to the head hog was because he had recently
come into a large sum or money and he wanted to make $50,000.00 donation to the church.

To which she replied "Hang on sir, Porky just walked in"   ::)

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