The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Katie77:
Katie77:
dot-matrix:
The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?
Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture ...
there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...
every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Eet EES a bacon tree!"
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?;
We ees in the Desert don't forget."
"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that ...Luis races toward the tree.
He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all
of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages
to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man,you was right...ees not a bacon tree."
"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...
Ees..........
Ees..........
Ees..........
Ees..........
... Eees a Ham Bush
TXdoug:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Katie77:
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self."
Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie "You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
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