The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Katie77:
A major International company was looking to hire someone for an
>> important
>> position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their
>> search
>> down to three people from different parts of the world.
>> In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the
>> same
>> question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer
>> would
>> get the job.
>> The question was:
>>
>> A man and a woman are in bed, nude.
>> The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the
>> man is
>> lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?
>>
>> After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their
>> answers.
>> The first, from Canada , says "My answer is, there IS no answer."
>> The second, from England , says "My answer is that there is no way to
>> determine the answer with the information we were given."
>> The third one, from Scotland , says "I'm not exactly sure, but I have
>> it
>> narrowed down to two names.
>> It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer>>
>> The Scotsman got the job
>>
>>
>>
dot-matrix:
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..
"YES YES, I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men, are men. ::)
dot-matrix:
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her 80s and had nver been
married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into
her quaint sitting room. She invited him to take a seat while she made
some tea. As he sat, facing her old pump organ, the young minister
noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the
water floated, of all things, a condom !
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no
longer resist.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
pointing to the bowl.
"Oh Yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown
a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would
prevent disease. And you know, I haven't had a cold all winter!!"
dot-matrix:
A journalist is walking along the beach and notices a young boy in the
surf being attacked by a shark. Then he sees a bloke (guy) rush in,
swim out to the attack, pry the shark's mouth open, give it a flogging
and ends up killing the beast. He swims back to shore with the boy
alive with some gashes out of his leg, then calls for help and makes
sure the youngster is OK.
The journo goes up to the brave rescuer and says, "What an amazing
heroic effort. I'm a journalist and I can see the front page headline
already . . . . Aussie hero saves boy from shark attack."
The hero says, "That's fantastic but I'm actually English."
The next day, the Pom picks up the paper to see the following front
page headline -- - " Pommy Bastard kills young boy's Pet fish."
dot-matrix:
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning
of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to
talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he
found the following note on his door.
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,
"Take, Eat, This is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called, "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not, "Rub-A-Dub-Dub,
thanks for the grub. Yeah God."
14 Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peters
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffys.
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