The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes

Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Katie77:
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

"What have U got there?"

Said the pie man unto Simon

"Pies ya dick"

Katie77:
Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

And grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

dot-matrix:
Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during
an endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.

The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the
California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my
husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born,
my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes."

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born,
my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious??

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy
for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school??" the first woman cried, "Oh my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for one thing, instead of saying:

"Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious?"

dot-matrix:
George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no.

Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said,"Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.


"Hello I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence.


Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.


One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

dot-matrix:
Walking into his favorite bar, Mike said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Tom. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit."

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