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Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Kerry:

dot-matrix:
More Male Perpspective Comments On Marriage


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.
~Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevent us from achieving them.
~Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does
a woman want?
~Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."
~James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second
one didn't."
~Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're rig ht, shut up.
~Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
~Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
~Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
~Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive

Dagi:
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw[/youtube]

Eddie Izzard, Death Star Canteen

dot-matrix:
Mary had three young children and they were driving her crazy. She complained to her best friend about the relentless demands of such a young family and her friend suggested that she should invest in a play-pen to give her some respite.

So Mary bought a large playpen. A few days later she phoned her friend to say how well it had worked out.

"I can't believe how good it is!" She exclaimed, "I can drink most of a cup of tea and answer all my e-mail on a lap-top - before the first one climbs IN and joins me!"

dot-matrix:
Local Adverts

Local newspapers in the smaller Scottish towns often have a section where items for sale can be advertised. The Tillietudlum Gazette is like that, but sometimes the words don't quite turn out the right way. Like these classics:

~ For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

~ For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

~ Great Dames for sale.

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