The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
James and Keith were on a hunting holiday. On their second
day they were walking un the woods when they suddenly realized
that they were lost. They sat and thought about their predicament.
Keith said, " I remember from my granddad that the best way
way to get someone to come and rescue you is to fire three times
in the air."
"Good idea," said James and fired three times.
Thirty minutes later, there was no sound of any rescuers so James
fired again. Still no sounds of rescue.
After a further thirty minutes they fired three more times and Keith
said, "I hope a guide or some recuers come soon ~~ we've only got
three more arrows left
dot-matrix:
The Computer Swallowed Nana.
The computer swallowed Nana, yes honestly it's true
She pressed "control" and "enter" and disappeared
from view.
It devoured her completely, the thought just makes
me squirm
She must have caught a virus and been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin and files of every kind
I've even used the internet, but nothing did I find.
In desperation I asked Yahoo my searches to refine
The reply from him was negative, not a thing was found "online."
So, if inside your "inbox", my Nana you should see
Please "copy" and "paste" her and send her back to me.
dot-matrix:
An older lady gets pulled up for speeding.
Older woman : Is there a problem Officer ?
Officer : Ma'am you were speeding.
Older Woman : Oh I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please ?
Older Woman : I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one ?
Older Woman : Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see.. Can I see your vehicle registration papers ?
Older Woman : I can't do that.
Officer : Why not ?
Older Woman : I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it ?
Older Woman : Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what ?
Older Woman : His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk
if you want to see.
The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his
car and calls for back-up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2 : Ma'am could you step out of your vehicle please.
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman : Is there a problem sir ?
Officer 2 : One of my officers told me that you have stolen
this car and murdered the owner.
Older woman : Murdered the owner ?
Officer 2 : Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car?
The Woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty
trunk.
Officer 2 : Is this your car, ma'am ?
Older Woman : Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2 : One of my officers claims that you do not have
a driving license.
The woman digs in her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse
and hands it to the officer. He examines it and looks quite
puzzled.
Officer 2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you
didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you
murdered the owner.
Older Woman : Bet the liar told you I was speeding too !!!
Don't Mess with Old Ladies !!
dot-matrix:
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of his main computers. He
dialled the employees house and was greeted by a child's
whispered, "Hello."
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a
youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home ?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him ?"
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered "No."
Wanting to talk to an adult, he asked, " Is your Mummy
there ?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her ?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be
left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a
message with the person who should be there, looking after
the child.
"Is there anyone else there besides you ?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the child, " a policeman."
Wondering whay a policeman would be doing at his employees
home, he asked, " May I speak with the policeman ?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what ?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and
Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered reply.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece of the phone,
the boss asked, "What is that noise ?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there ?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, "The
search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and more than a little frustrated, the
boss asked, "What are they searching for ?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a
muffled giggle, "ME."
dot-matrix:
A travel agent looked up from his desk one day to see
an older lady and gentleman peering in the shop window
at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around
the world. He had had a good week and the dejected couple
gave him a rare feeling og generosity.
He called them into his shop. "I know that on your pension
you could never hope to have a holiday, so I'm sending you
off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no
for an answer.
He took them inside and asked his secretary to book 2 flights
and book a room for two in a five star hotel. They, as can be
expected, gladly accepted and were off.
About a month later the little old lady came into his shop.
"And how did you enjoy your holiday :" he asked her.
The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said.
"I've come to thank you. But one thing puzzled me. Who was
that old man I had to share a room with ?"
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