The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
dot-matrix:
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail
with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome,
extremely sexy, middle aged man entered. He was so striking
that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare
and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she
could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over
and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything
that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 . . .
on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do
in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment. And then
slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed
into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply
into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said . . . . .
"Clean my house."
;D
Kerry:
dot-matrix:
Why athletes cannot hold real jobs
;D New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
;D And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
;D Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
;D Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
;D Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)
;D Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then, line up in a circle."
;D Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton "
;D Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
;D Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
;D Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
;D Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
;D Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
;D Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye." (Dead man walkin' )
Kerry:
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