The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Katie77:
Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.
Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
'One hundred and fifty pounds!' she'd shout from the curb.
'No! Five pounds!' He would fire back, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
He'd run by and she'd yell, 'One hundred and Fifty pounds!'
He'd yell back, 'Five pounds!'
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her 'husband' on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner,
Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his Wife.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled:
'See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!'
Kerry:
Paris Hilton's new accessory.
dot-matrix:
Some High School Test Answers ~ ~ The following questions
were actually collected from tests given in 2000 to 16 year
old student. Don't laugh too hard, one of these kids could be
Prime Minister one day.
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water an be made safe
to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink, because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q. How is dew formed ?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What is a planet ?
A. A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets
an election.
Q. What are steroids ?
A. Things for keeping carpets on the stairs.
Q. What happens when your body as you age ?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes ?
A. Premature death.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour ?
A. Keep it in the cow.
Q. How are the main parts of the body categorized ?
(Eg., abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into three parts . . . . the
brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains
the five vowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q. What is a fibula ?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does " varicose" mean ?
A. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control ?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian section."
A. The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure ?
A. A Roman emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness ?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does benign mean ?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q. What is a turbine ?
A. Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q. What is a Hindu ?
A. It lays eggs.
dot-matrix:
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic
trees ! What beautiful animals !" he said to himself.
As he was walking along-side the river he heard a rustling in
the bushes behind him. He turned to look, A seven foot
grizzly was charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up
the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the bear was
closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he
tried to run faster.
He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself
up, but saw the bear was on top of him. At that instant, the atheist
cried out, "Oh, my God."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent as a bright
light shone upon him and a voice came out of the sky, "You deny
my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist, and
even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to
help you out of this predicament ?"
The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical
of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but
perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian.
There was a pause and then the voice said, "Very well."
The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws
together, bowed his head and spoke, "Lord, Bless this food I am
about to receive and for which I am truly thankful."
dot-matrix:
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took
it to the veterinarian.
He found the problem was hair in it's ears, so he cleaned both
ears and the dog could hear fine, The vet then proceeded to
tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from happening
again, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair
remover cream and rub it in the ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair"hair
remover.
At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going
to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few
days."
"I'm not going to use it under my arms.."
"If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."
The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must
know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist said, "Stay off your bicycle for a week."
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