The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Kerry:
elomelo:
--- Quote from: Katie77 on March 15, 2008, 12:47:20 am ---A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There is a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her - "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."
"Damn" says the little old lady - "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some, Thanks for the warning".
"Well not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh No" says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there is a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flowerbeds. So, I stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say "$20 or off it comes".
"Hey, not a bad idea" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck. By the way, what's int the other bag?"
"Well," says the little lady - "Not all of them pay".
--- End quote ---
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I shouldn't be laughing but - :laugh: :laugh:
Katie77:
A retired gentleman went to Centrelink Office to apply for the Age
Pension.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to
verify his age.
He looked in his pockets and realised he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his
wallet at home.
"I will have to go home and come back later" he said. The woman says,
'Unbutton your shirt.'
So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his
Age Pension application.
When he returned home,the man excitedly tells his wife about his
experience at the Centrelink office.
She says,'You should have dropped your pants. You might have got the
Disability Pension, too!'
Katie77:
An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scot were sitting in a bar. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.
"Y'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why, in Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks, he will buy the fifth drink for you."
"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, that's nuttin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's O'Driscoll's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
"Well!" said the Englishman, "Has this actually happened to you?"
"Not me myself, personally, no," said the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister."
Katie77:
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip, The pilot said
The plane could take only four moose.
The two lads objected strongly.
"Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he
Had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load
And went down.
A few moments after, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,
"Any idea where we are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."?
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