The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes

Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Katie77:
A blonde city girl marries a Colorado rancher.
> 
>   One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,  the rancher says to Amy,
> 'The  insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today.
> I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's  stall in the barn. You
show him
> where the cow is  when he gets here, OK?'
> 
>   The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while,  the artificial
insemination man
> arrives and knocks on the  front door. Amy takes him down to the barn.
> 
>   They walk alo ng  the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells 
him,
> 'This is the one right here.'
> 
>   The man,  assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, 'Tell me 
lady,
> 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know this  is the cow to be bred?'
> 
>   'That's simple. By the nail over its stall,' Amy  explains very
confidently.
> 
>     Laughing rudely at her, the man s ays,  'And what, pray tell, is the
nail for?'
>
>   The  blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I
guess  it's
> to hang your pants on.'
> 

Katie77:
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood
and
said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience
on
Broadway, he had the right credentials.
       The agent asked, "What's your name?"
       The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
       The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get
into
Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
       "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries
old.
I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
       The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...
you
will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm
telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to
represent you."
       "So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy
said
and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER.....The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside
the envelope are a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is
awe-struck,
who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed:

Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in
Hollywood; you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make
it
with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make
it
in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your
office,
I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to
change my
name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with
another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so
the
enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your
advice.

Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke

Katie77:
'Viagra' is now available in a sweetened powder form, which you use in place of sugar in tea or coffee.

It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.

dot-matrix:
A nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well,Sister, this looks pretty grim.'

'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..'

'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'
 
'Anything, Father.'

'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'

'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?'.....she consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
 
'Father, could I ask something of you?'

'Yes, Sister?'

'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?'
 
'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe.

'Oh Father, may I touch it?'

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can Give Life.'

'Is that true Father?'

'Yes, it is, Sister.'

'Oh Father, that's wonderful ... Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!'

Katie77:

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