The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Katie77:
Daffy Duck on a dirty weekend, calls hotel reception and asks for a condom.
The receptionist says, shall I put them on your bill?
Daffy replies.....
Don't be thucking thupid I'd thufficate!!!!
Katie77:
SENIOR DATING
Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.
Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.'
Edna: 'Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!
Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car...A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner... A marvelous dinner... Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.
Then we go see a show.
Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.
Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way With me two times!'
Dorothy: 'Goodness gracious!.... So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?'
Edna: 'No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress.'
Zander:
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an
expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
> The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would
like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in
the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband
looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She
gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what
it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she
finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk
stripe; the suit fits him perfectly ...
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very
satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did
you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the
blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite
blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a
deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly
after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I
asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black
suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. . . . . . . ...
(scroll down)
(wait for it)
(Scroll down)
So I just switched the heads.'
(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)
Kerry:
Kerry:
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