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Kerry's Komedy Klub

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dot-matrix:
New light dog food campaigne

dot-matrix:
I get alot of lawyer jokes... ::)

People Really Said These Things In Court  
 
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q:You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
 

dot-matrix:
I'm afraid I've got to agree with Grannie on this one....does Red need a referral to a good Opthalmologist or is she just plain gullible...

dot-matrix:
The Top 13 Reasons Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay
Author Unknown

 

1. Fonzie: has an "office" in the men's room and always tells guys to "sit on it."

2. If you're drunk enough, "Homer Simpson" sounds kinda like "homosexual."

3. Popeye: Vegetarian. Bodybuilder. Dresses like one of the Village People. "Girlfriend" has no visible breasts. You connect the dots, Chester.

4. Batman & Robin: They caress a bust, which reveals a pole that they wrap themselves around and slide down which strips them of their clothes and puts them in rubber suits and... Okay, maybe Falwell's got something here.

5. Alex Trebek: Lives with his mom and knows *way* too much about Broadway Musicals and potpourri.

6. "Shhhh, be vewy vewy wightous! I'm hunting a naked opewa-wuving wabbit!"

7. Will from "Will & Grace": Not because the character is openly gay, but because if he were straight, he'd go by "Bill" and smoke cigars.

8. That Peter Jennings character on "ABC World News Tonight" is thin, neat and obsessed with the sex life of a guy named Bill.

9. Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble: Fur house dresses? C'mon!

10 Check the reruns closely: Woody lives up to his name whenever Norm walks into the bar.

11. The letters in "The Teletubbies" can be rearranged to read, "He bites eel butt."

12. "Dr. Quinn, Lesbian Woman"

 and Number 1 Reason Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay...








13.  David Hasselhoff: 147 episodes of "Baywatch" with nary an erection.

Kerry:

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