The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Kerry:
--- Quote from: David on May 11, 2007, 02:20:42 pm ---
I think just about everyone finds it funny, Kerry. Once when a lady was charting my horoscope, she told me "Mars is in Uranus".
:laugh: :laugh:
--- End quote ---
Half your luck! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Kerry:
A man named Vinny dies and goes to hell.
The Devil says to him "Hey Vinny we've been waitin for ya!".
Vinny smiles and walks with the Devil and the Devil says "I gotta ask you a couple questions, do you like to smoke?" Vinny answers "Ya, I love to smoke." The Devil says "Good you'll like Mondays we smoke everything cigarettes, cigars, weed everything."
"Now do you like to drink?" Then Vinny says "Of course I love to drink." The Devil replies "Great we drink everything on Tuesdays you will fit in great."
"Do you like to have sex?" Vinny says "Hell ya sex is the best." The Devil smiles and replies "We have sex with every type of woman you could think of on Wedesdays."
And the Devil finally says "Now, are you gay?" Vinny frowns and answers "NO I'm not gay! And the Devil looks down and finishes "Your gonna hate Thursdays."
Kerry:
Two gay lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.
The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.
The robbery begins.
The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," he said.
He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.
About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.
The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.
As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!"
The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
Kerry:
Kerry:
Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
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