The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
CellarDweller:
rotlfmao!
Mandy, I read that over the phone to my mom, she was hysterical!
Kerry:
Kerry:
The Top Ten things that would be different if the Disciples were Gay:
10.) Priests would not get married.....wait a minute....
9.) Jesus wouldn't wear a white robe after Labor Day.
8.) Fewer "Sermons on the Mount", more "Musicals".
7.) Gospels would be Matthew, Mark, Luke and Bruce.
6.) Virgin Mary's hair would be flawless.
5.) Would not have chased money changers out of the temple - they would have redecorated.
4.) Turn water into dry martinis with just a splash of curacao for color.
3.) Instead of the Last Supper, it would have been the Last Brunch with cabaret.
2.) Replace the Beatitudes with "Fabulous are they. . ."
1.) Triumphant Entry just screams for a Drag number.
Kerry:
HETEROSEXUAL QUESTIONNAIRE
This questionnaire is for self-avowed heterosexuals only. If you are not openly heterosexual, pass it on to a friend who is. Please try to answer the questions as candidly as possible. Your responses will be held in strict confidence and your anonymity fully protected.
1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?
3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?
4. Could it be that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, how can you be sure you wouldn’t prefer that?
6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?
7. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet?
9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they’d face?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual men. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual male teachers, pediatricians, priests, or scoutmasters?
11. With all the societal support for marriage, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?
12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you fear s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?
15. Heterosexuals are notorious for assigning themselves and one another rigid, stereotyped sex roles. Why must you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?
16. With the sexually segregated living conditions of military life, isn’t heterosexuality incompatible with military service?
17. How can you enjoy an emotionally fulfilling experience with a person of the other sex when there are such vast differences between you? How can a man know what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?
18. Shouldn’t you ask your far-out straight cohorts, like skinheads and born-agains, to keep quiet? Wouldn’t that improve your image?
19. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?
20. Why do you attribute heterosexuality to so many famous lesbian and gay people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?
21. How can you hope to actualize your God-given homosexual potential if you limit yourself to exclusive, compulsive heterosexuality?
22. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. After all, you never deliberately chose to be a heterosexual, did you? Have you considered aversion therapy or Heterosexuals Anonymous?
Courtesy Martin Rochlin, Ph.D., © 1972
Kerry:
Supposedly a true story:
An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat.
Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the USAir employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and said to the man now sitting there, "Excuse me, are you Gay?"
The man, somewhat stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I am!"
The flight attendent said, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to get off the plane."
At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this, jumped up and said, "Excuse me, you've made a mistake - I'm Gay!"
Finally, another man jumped up and said, "Well, hell, I'm gay too! They can't throw us all off!"
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