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Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Kerry:
Will I Live to see 80?

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I'll be 60 next birthday).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much. My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said . . . . 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

Katie77:
A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a
Headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, Mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him the MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a woman comes in.   Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years!!

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
.
.
.
.
. I put drops in her eyes........

 




 
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Kerry:

--- Quote from: Katie77 on October 04, 2009, 06:48:16 am ---
. I put drops in her eyes........


--- End quote ---

 :laugh:       :laugh:       :laugh:       :laugh:       :laugh:

Katie77:
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned and
smacked the shit out of him...

Like his mother used to do.

 

Katie77:
WALMART CAKE.......true story  (read explanation underneath picture)





Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:
  
Wal-Mart Employee:   'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?'
   Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'
   Walmart Employee:  'What you want on de cake?'
   Customer:  'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.
       You can't fix stupid.

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