The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
A husband, wife, and son are barely making ends meet on their farm. One morning the woman sees the family’s only cow lying dead in the field and hangs herself in desperation. When the man awakens, he sees his wife and cow dead and shoots himself.
The son finds his parents dead and goes to drown himself, only to discover a mermaid at the river.
The mermaid tells him, “If you have sex with me 10 times in a row, I will revive your parents and the cow.”
“Why not 20?” replies the son.
“Fine,” she says. “Twenty it is.”
“But wait,” says the boy. “How do I know that 20 times in a row won’t kill you like it did the cow?”
dot-matrix:
Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot, but they’ve forgotten a bottle opener. The first turns to the second and says, “You’ve gotta go back and get the opener or else we’ve got no beer.”
“No way,” says the second turtle. “By the time I get back, you’ll have eaten all the food.” “I promise I won’t,” replies the first. “Just hurry.”
Nine full days pass and still no sign of the second turtle. Finally, the other digs into the sandwiches.
The second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, “I knew it! I’m not fucking going!”
dot-matrix:
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications.
She is now noticing that Husband 1.0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Husband 1.0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She’s finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2.4, GirlsNight 3.5 and CocktailNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
During installation, Husband 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 5.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
Some features she’d like to see in the upcoming Husband 2.0 include:
1. A “Yes I’ll cook, clean etc.” button.
2. An install shield feature that allows Husband 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
I myself decided to avoid the headache associated with Husband 1.0 by sticking with BoyFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems.
Apparently you cannot install BoyFriend 2.0 on top of BoyFriend 1.0; each program begins damaging the other. You must uninstall BoyFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. You’d think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now! To make matters worse, the uninstall program for BoyFriend 1.0 doesn’t work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.
Another thing–all versions of BoyFriend 1.0 continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Husband 1.0.
Bug Warning
Husband 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Lover 1.1 before uninstalling Husband 1.0, Husband 1.0 will delete MS Clothing allowance files, before doing the uninstall himself.
More applications that won’t run with Husband 1.0 include Chippendale 2.0, Netballwatching 3.5, Suremoreshoes 6.0, and Cleanup 4.3.
Applications that run very well with Husband 1.0, however, include Bummingaround 1.0, Pubnight 2.3, Golfing 2.7, Pokernight 5.3, and Wanderingeyes 4.9.
dot-matrix:
What do you have when you have two green balls in your hand?
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Kermit's undivided attention!
Kerry:
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