The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Katie77:
THREE DOGS AT THE VET ________________________________Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Yellow Labrador turned to the Black Labrador and said, " So why are you here ? " The Black Lab replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was lastnight when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The Yellow Lab said, " So what’s the vet going to do ? " " Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the Black Lab."They reckon it'll calm me down."
The Black Lab then asked the Yellow Lab " why are you here ? " The Yellow Lab said, " I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch." " So what are they going to do to you ? " the Black Lab inquired. " Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Yellow Lab said.
The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, " Why are you here ? " " I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll humpthe cat, apillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see." "Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down todry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back andstarted hammering away." The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said," So, it's nuts off for you too, huh ?" The Great Dane said, " No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped ! " ________________________________
Katie77:
So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow.
Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads... He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.
Anyway... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads," begs her. "I'm hacked off being so visible to predators. The stress is like, killing me, you know?"
"Okay" says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and goes:
"Abracapokus! You're brown!"
The toad looks down and sees that he is brown ! Except..... for his weenie, which is still yellow.
"Hang about lady," he says to the fairy godmother, "My pecker's still yellow!"
"Yeah, well I don't do weenies," she says, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that.." So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother (yes okay it's a coincidence, but it's true).
"Fairy Godmother! You're just the person I need!" says the purple bear, "I can't pull any bearesses cos they don't want to be seen with me on account of the hunters. They can spot me from a mile off."
Being a fairly nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand. "Oh for goodness sake, what is the matter with you lot round here." she says. And with that, she yells: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"
The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown. Except for his goolies, which remain purple.
"Hold up sweetheart!", he says to the fairy godmother, "My goolies are still purple!"
"Yeah, well I don't do those goolie things," she replies, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that."
"Well that's just dandy, innit?" the bear replies, "How the hell do I find the Wizard of Oz?"
"Easy," says the fairy godmother as she flew off...........
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you know what's coming don't you ?
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you'll be sorry you ever gave me your email address
after this....
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she flew off, saying......
"Just follow the yellow-dick toad !! "
Sason:
--- Quote from: Kerry on July 08, 2010, 02:03:40 am ---
He does look like Buster Keaton, but I suspect it may be a genuine photo from the early 1900s, like this one . . . .
Might be necessary to scroll over to see the full image --->
--- End quote ---
Oh yes, I've seen this picture several times, as a poster. Gives me the shiver every time I see it.
Kerry:
--- Quote from: Sason on July 08, 2010, 02:58:11 pm ---
Oh yes, I've seen this picture several times, as a poster. Gives me the shiver every time I see it.
--- End quote ---
It gives me vertigo just looking at it!!! :o
Kerry:
I've just found an amazingly funny site called "Engrish Funny". You simply must visit it! It's hilarious! Here's the link:
http://engrishfunny.com/
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