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Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Katie77:

Katie77:
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher,
                                  "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying,
                                                       " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"
 
Reaching into his rear jeans pocket, he removed his badge and proudly showed it to the rancher.
               "See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!  No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, lowered his gaze, and then went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......




With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.  The officer was clearly terrified.
 
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....   

 

 

 

 

 

             



 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   
 
"Your badge, show him your ******* BADGE........ ! !"
 


 

Front-Ranger:
Very funny friend!!  :laugh:

Also, I got Akinator to work on my mac, finally! It guessed Philip Petit and Danny Torrance easily, but it took 60 questions to guess MacIntyre, the main character in Local Hero!

It took about 40 questions to guess Orlando, the character in the movie and novel by Virginia Wolff!

I was surprised that it took 57 questions for him to guess John Malkovitch!! I would love to stump this guy. I think I will try Roberta Maxwell next.

Later add: Akinator didn't even know Roberta Maxwell! But he did guess a lot of beautful red haired actresses, some of my favorites!!

Katie77:
Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Nick's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Nick's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Nick sitting there with a tent set up,

firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Shit Nick, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife

came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.. The room had candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am !!!!

Meryl:

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