The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
Honeymoon At Home
Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go
back to Fred's Mum and Dad's for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnnie, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his
mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnnie asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mum replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnnie comes home for lunch and asks his mum, "Are Fred and Mary up
yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnnie says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mum replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go
back to school." ;
After school, Johnnie comes home and asks again, "Are Fred
and Mary up yet?"
His mum says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mum replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for a tube of Vaseline and I
think..... I gave him my airplane glue."
dot-matrix:
Excerpts from a dog dairy..
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
6:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE!
6:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MY PEOPLES BED! MY FAVORITE!
Excerpt from the cat's diary
Day 183
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I
was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power
of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
dot-matrix:
dot-matrix:
;) I always wondered about the Lone Ranger...he was just so NEAT and he never kissed the girl. :D
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