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Kerry's Komedy Klub

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dot-matrix:
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants.

dot-matrix:
JUST A TAP

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a
question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed,
lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb,
and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab,
and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and
said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so
much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely
my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Sharon:
ZEISS
Victory Compact
Binoculars
- see everything 10 times bigger -

Shasta542:
HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE
AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?" WELL ... YOU'LL LOVE THIS
ONE!

I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A
NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH
THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS
AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN??

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS 'WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

HMMM .OR COULD HE?? ?

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN
PARK HIGH SCHOOL.

"YES. YES, I DID. I HAD A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.  HE ANSWERED, "IN 1969. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.  HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT
DID YOU TEACH?"

dot-matrix:
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:  Great one Shasta542 and so TRUE  :D

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