The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
David In Indy:
:laugh: :laugh:
dot-matrix:
A local bakery decided to hire a part-time counter person and ended up with a local co-ed who could work evenings and weekends. She had one eccentric characteristic (which was unknown when she was hired) -- she wore short skirts and no underwear. Needless to say, she was a real beauty and had a figure to die for.
The bakery had a small storefront so it was necessary to have the various products on shelves and use a ladder to reach the uppermost items. The item that was previously the least popular -- the raisin bread -- was quickly becoming the most popular with gentlemen. Conveniently enough, the raisin bread was kept on the highest shelf of all.
One day, an elderly gentleman came in and ordered a loaf of bread. The young lady, without thinking, scurried up the ladder and then realized she had not asked the gentleman what kind of bread he had wanted so she nodded and asked, "Raisin?"
"No," he replied, "but it's beginning to twitch just a little."
dot-matrix:
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom’s the best lay in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..."
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad–you’re drunk!"
dot-matrix:
Signs You're A Drunk
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
6. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.
7. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; coincidence?!?
8. Two hands and just one mouth, now that's a drinking problem.
9. Every woman you see has an identical twin.
10. You fall off the floor.
11. "Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!"
12. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
13. Every night you're beginning to find your neighbor's cat more and more attractive.
14. Your moral is: I'm not drunk, you're just sober!!!
15. You don't recognize your wife unless she's seen from the bottom of a glass.
16. That dammned pink elephant followed you home again.
17. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
18. The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
TXdoug:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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