The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
"Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, :o but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said,"Oh, OK" ??? and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, >:( "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!"
Kerry:
Best "Out of Office" automatic e-mail replies . . . . . .
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. :D
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. :D
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team. :D
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. :D
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. :D
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.) :D
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. :D
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. :D
9. I've run away to join a different circus. :D
10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Bob' :D
pettifogger:
A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel, room 302."
The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."
The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"
The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. No one tells me shit!"
pettifogger:
pettifogger:
The Four Stages of Life
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version