Kerry's Komedy Klub

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[Shasta542]

 

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[Katie77]

CHINESE WEDDING NIGHT

A young Chinese couple gets married.  She's a virgin.  Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.  On their wedding night,  she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.  He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten.  I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.  You juss ask Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.   She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Numbaa 69.'
 
More thoughtful silence, this time from him.  Eventually, in a puzzled  tone he asks her....

'You want... Garlic Chicken wif snow peas??

[Kerry]

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Bubba went to a psychiatrist . . . .
"I've got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there
is someone under my bed. I'm scared and think I'm going
crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able
to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge ?"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.

Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why
didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you
were having ?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Well, eighty dollars a visit, three times a week for a year is
an awful lot of money ! A bartender named Joe cured me
for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that
I went and bought me a pick-up."

"Is that so ? And how may I ask did a bartender cure you ?

"He told me to cut the legs off my bed ! -- Ain't nobody
under there now !!"

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Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age
and thinking : Surely. I can't look that old !!
Well, you'll love this one.

My name is Alice and I was sitting in the waiting room for my
first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS Diploma
which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark haired boy with
the same name had been in my class some 30 odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back
then ? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such
thought.

This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way
too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth,
I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes I did . . .I'm a Mustang . .He gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate ?" I asked.

He answered, . . . "in 1975, Why do you ask ?"

"You were in my class". . .I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely, Then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled,
fat ass, grey-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked :

"What class did you teach ?"

[dot-matrix]

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out
of the car . . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and
life-stuff seems to get funny ?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF !

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
"I AM NOT HAPPY !"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then ?"

. . . .and that's when the fight started.