Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
The Question of Time: What Was Life Like in 1963?
Phillip Dampier:
--- Quote from: strazeme on March 11, 2006, 08:45:13 am ---I'm 61, about the same age as Ennis. Grew up in rural Iowa. As a gay guy, I was horribly isolated and alone. Didn't even know I was gay, just that I was different, and had to assume I was the only one in the world. While I didn't have the horror of Earl and Rick, I got clear messages of waht was acceptable, what was expected. But I was so, so alone, could't even talk to anyone. So I bottled up everything, didn't dare get close to anyone, especially not other guys. What if I should slip up and impulsively give some guy a pat, or hug ... or that kiss I needed so much.
--- End quote ---
One of the things Ennis did which is quite common with people uncomfortable with themselves is suspect that everyone is looking at them or paying attention to what they are doing. When you remarked about "slipping up" it reminded me of his fears that somehow people "knew." In studying people and being open with them both before and during the time they got to know me, I have seen something very consistent - most people are truly oblivious about other people around them. They just don't have a clue. You are more likely to draw attention by loudness of voice or clothing than you are by being close to someone.
I got sick and tired of the whole bottled up thing when I was 19 and just decided enough was enough and forced myself to take on the world. That means having to open up and trust people, even when some of them will burn you. But ultimately, it works. Nobody has the right to dictate the terms of our individual happiness. Some people presume they have that right only because we indirectly grant it to them out of fear. We're seeing that today in the culture wars in America. As long as we grant ignorant people the right to tell us what is and is not appropriate behavior, they'll keep reaching for more. We need to have the courage to tell them "no more."
strazeme:
Phillip, I'm glad you were able to shake it off. But for some of us, it's still there. Fortunately, I no longer fear tire irons. But my emotional shut-down has never started up. I learned too well to protect myself by not feeling ... push it down and make it go away. And now, Brokeback has acted like a giant can opener, taking off my lid like a can of beans. This emotional opening has really overwhelmed me, and I'm not dealing with it very well.
Aussie Chris:
--- Quote from: strazeme on March 13, 2006, 10:17:01 am ---Phillip, I'm glad you were able to shake it off. But for some of us, it's still there. Fortunately, I no longer fear tire irons. But my emotional shut-down has never started up. I learned too well to protect myself by not feeling ... push it down and make it go away. And now, Brokeback has acted like a giant can opener, taking off my lid like a can of beans. This emotional opening has really overwhelmed me, and I'm not dealing with it very well.
--- End quote ---
strazeme, many of us share with you a response to watching BBM along the lines you mention here. Seriously, you are not alone. I guess the extent of this impact is equal in intensity to exactly how far you'd shut down your emotions in the first place. Eventually, the realisation hits us that this change was absolutely necessary, since protecting ourselves from the heartbreaks and dangers of life has also meant that we are prevented from experiencing the joys. Another result has been that we have come together to help each other through this transition. If you're feeling overwhelmed, we're here to help and support you. Most of us simply need time to quietly reflect and come to terms with a heart that's now "working again". Perhaps it would help to post some of the feelings you are experiencing in BetterMost? Please keep in touch and let us know how we can help.
BBMGrandma:
Dearest Straz...
Little old straight grandma here....and I went into such a 'shell' when I first experienced Brokeback...it was unreal. That 'can of bean's' was SO very shut tight and I had NO idea how to open the lid. I couldn't even share my shake-up with my therapist. I was afraid she wouldn't 'get it' like I did. When I finally gave her a little taste of what I was feeling...she listened...intently. I STILL had to do a lot of explaining to her....about our story....the impact it had on every aspect of my life....how I was in SUCH turmoil emotionally. It was a real challenge for both her and I!!! Me...explaining...and her absorbing. She finally GOT IT...and the 'beans' spilled out of that can!! .and then I found this FORUM!!
I swear it felt like the first time, as a child, I walked through the Magic Castle at Disneyland. This WHOLE world opened up....magically. I found hands to hold...hearts to listen....and friends to trust.
I STILL....haven't spilled my guts on this forum...but I'm SURE gearing up to let it fly!! Besides....<laughing here> Philip said....It's TIME!! ;) He, and all the other friends here...may WELL ask me to shut that can up...will ya? ;D
You've found US....Straz!! This COULD be the 'can opener' for you too!!! Stay with us here Straz....!! Let US open that lid with you. Let US hold out our plates for a serving of those 'beans' Let's sit around that campfire together...and share!! Sharing may be a trite...overused word...but OH BOY....it SURE WORKS!!!
Much Love....Nancy :-*
twistedude:
Some dry facts aboiut Wyoming in '63:
1) The zip code had just been instiututed, but nobody was using it yet. The big cities already had "Postal zone" codes (2 numbers long), and were loathe to give them ujp. The appearance of the zip code on a postcard from Jack to Ennis (the double "honey" scenes) was about right. "73? '69? (guess the date of that trip is a bit up in the air).
2)They really fu**cked up the licence plates. "No automobile of any kind had a licence plate of more than 4 numbers and letters in 1963" (licence plate collector). The tructk that brings Ennis has 5 (plus the bucking bronco--which had been around at least since the '30s), and Jack's truck has 6...only Aguirre's car has the correct 4 digits.
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